Five Albums I Don't Own, Would Probably Like, And Should Buy Just For Their Titles Alone

Hanoi Rocks - Self Destruction Blues
Cheap Trick - Music For Hangovers
The Flaming Sideburns Save Rock 'n' Roll
Bangkok Shocks, Saigon Shakes, Hanoi Rocks
The Donnas Turn 21

Make It Stop, Please

In the last week I've linked an imaginary brand of beer to an eighties band I couldn't stand; compared a deejay's style to the coaching of former NFL genius Bill Walsh; compared a speculative North Dakota vs. Minnesota-Duluth hockey game to Fischer vs. Spassky; and namechecked Dick Pope Jr.

Tonight, I'm going to the Susstones event at the Bryant Lake Bowl. I can already hear myself dropping a Fay Vincent reference. Lord.

(Update: Instead, it was a reference to Emerson, Lake & Powell.)

White, Talentless, And Overhyped Has Reached A New Level

The Streets needs to be terminated with extreme prejudice. Another example of a lousy Brit washing up on our shows and being hailed as The Next Big Thing. If this clown was from Lisle, Illinois, would anyone listen? I heard him back-to-back with fellow whiny twit Morrissey on Radio K this week and it was only laziness and masochism that kept me from turning the dial.

I'll mail a sixer of Lowenbrau to anyone who shuts The Streets up permanently.

End Of An Era

I'm in the mood for twelver or so of Old Milwaukee Dark.

But great programs are known as great programs because they field great teams throughout the decades. So I think there are only two questions to be answered:

1) Does UND remove the "interim" from Dave Hakstol's title and make him the permanent head coach or do they go after UMD's Scott Sandelin?

2) Will the Sioux be wearing their home whites or road greens when they win the national championship next April?

(thanks as always to Dan Cole.)

I Hated The New Romantics

Old Milwaukee should come out with a dark beer so that we could call it "OMD."

UND Hat, Teeshirt, Levis, Black Chucks

Last night the cutie ponytailed bartender at the Bar Abilene only charged me a dollar for a pint of Sam Adams. She said she was giving me the hospitality night discount. Sometimes it pays to dress like a slob.

Not That You Care, Especially Six Months Later, But Atmosphere's Seven's Travels Is Likely My Favorite Album From 2003

I'm digging Slug's Ten Reasons Why Minneapolis Is The Best City In America, as listed in the May issue of Spin. I won't type 'em all, but 7-9 are worth the exercise:

7. Small population of vegan bike messengers.
8. Do you like coffee?
9. How about independent record stores?

It's Funny Because It's True

In case you missed it, Kirk Anderson had a brilliant cartoon that ran in the Strib on June 8th.

Billy Gets His Tooth Sawed Down

As reported on the Cosmic Slop show last Sunday (they reported it because I emailed 'em all about it with my request - which was played, those guys are great - for "Popcorn" by Hot Butter), I shattered a tooth a few weeks back while munching on popcorn and watching the Timberwolves on TV. I did manage to tough it out and have a couple of more Old Styles that night, but I have sworn popcorn off indefinitely.

So last week I had a temporary crown put in. (The permanent one gets put in next week.) Halfway through the hour-long procedure, while I was propped back and my mouth was wide open and swallowing was difficult, another dentist popped in and talked my dentist's ear off about a potential golf outing. He wouldn't freakin' leave - he kept doing the Columbo "one more thing" deal - and I was mostly pissed and just a little bemused. Why the bemusement? Somewhere in my head, a voice was saying: "Isn't this something from a Replacements song?"

Politics Aside, These Days I'm Telling The Girls That "I'm Studying The Art And The Form Of The Personal Essay"

I am at my secret getaway and on a writing break until June 17th or so.

- FDR was hands-down the greatest U.S. president of the twentieth century. Keep him on the dime.

- Yesterday Dan "The Common Man" Cole did a brilliant job of fleshing out the right-hand side of my poster. I'm mailing him one.

- Another reason to cheer against the Lakers: Brian Wilson has been spotted at Staples Center. When Little Richard and Chuck Berry coast on the laurels of music they made decades ago, they get referred to as "nostalgia acts." When Wilson does it, he's referred to as a "reclusive genius."

- SCTV is out on DVD. Cool.

- Any man who drinks Michelob Ultra, Rolling Rock Green Light, or Aspen Edge (not to mention light beers) needs to go check his makeup.

- Something I wrote for City Pages is on this page somewhere.

- Let's all adopt the philosophy of Doctor J: "Dare to be great."

Game Seven

I was hoping to watch game seven of the Stanley Cup finals in the air-conditioned comfort of the CC Club. But I'm sitting here at home still debiting and crediting, though I do have some cold Premos going. As I type, Tampa Bay leads Calgary 1-0 after one period.

Most astute hockey fans I know are cheering for Calgary, for various reasons. Me, while far from astute, am also cheering for the Flames as I caught a few of their upset wins in the preliminary rounds and liked their energy, not to mention the underdog factor. Plus they have two of my favorite college hockey players of the past five years - Mike Commodore out of North Dakota and Jordan Leopold out of Minnesota. Finally, throw in the three Finns on their roster to zero for Tampa Bay.

A few random notes:

- The Tampa Bay coach looks like Ron Silver.

- I liked it better when the NHL home teams wore white, not dark, uniforms. Is this a temporary move or a permanent one?

- Barry Melrose, like Pat Buchanan, needs to drop the pinstripe suits.

I Know Nothing About Hoops
(or)
And The Pistons Have Better Uniforms

I probably should be cheering for Phil Jackson (UND '67) and the Los Angeles Lakers in the NBA finals, but thing is - I'd rather see smug Karl Malone be denied a ring than see Jackson win another.

Besides, Larry Brown coaches the Detroit Pistons. I've been a fan of his ever since I saw the ABA Denver Nuggets play at McNichols Arena thirty years ago. Brown has had an incredible coaching career - only three losing seasons in the pros since 1972 and an NCAA title with Kansas in 1988. And he'll be coaching the USA Olympic team this summer to the gold as they crush all the pretend basketball powers.

(Oh, and remembertheaba.com is a goldmine of ABA memories. I still miss that red, white, and blue basketball.)

Coming To Target Center In August

If your favorite thing about hockey is the fights, well, Hockey Gladiators has gotten rid of the hockey.