Wednesday, November 28, 2007

All Over But The Reviews

I've read a handful of reviews of Jim Walsh's 'Mats book, but this one is easily the best. I have never read a book review with a more compelling first three paragraphs. Genius!

(Thanks to my main man Joel for the link.)

Monday, November 26, 2007

Might As Well Jump

One of my six favorite clients, Spunk Studio, is the subject of today's small business feature in the Strib. Congratulations, Jeff and the folks over at Spunk. I'm so impressed I can't even take one of my obligatory Spunk tough-love cheap shots!

Friday, November 23, 2007

This Oberservation Is Weeks Late, But ...

I don't hate the Red Sox like I do the Yankees, but they do bug me. What really grates on my nerves is during their recent post-season appearances, they have never invited former player Sam "Mayday" Malone to throw out the first pitch. Sammy has been the most beloved bartender in Boston for decades now. C'mon, Sox - show some class.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Happy Thanksgiving Everybody

It's no secret that I'm a big fan of a well-crafted Patrick Reusse hatchet job. One of my favorite holiday traditions is reading his "Turkey of the Year" column every Thanksgiving in the Strib. Last night the column was posted online. I clicked on it and then quickly closed my browser - the Turkey column is best enjoyed in print with a cup of coffee. I decided to wait until today to enjoy it. This year's column is of course a gem, with cheap shots galore:

It was basically a lousy year for the Twins' slap hitters, including a guest Piranha, Joe (Big Slappy) Mauer.


Derek Boogaard. He runs a summer fight camp for hockey players, makes more threats toward opponents than the Russian mafia, and then whines that the referees look at him more closely than other players during his three 30-second shifts a night for the Wild.


Certainly, (Don Lucia) deserves another table setting today for having his choice of recruits and winding up with the lowest graduation rate in Division I hockey. A reminder: Early pro signees don't count against the graduation rate, unless they are not in good academic standing when they leave school.


Who was the eventual Turkey of the Year? You'll have to read it (and read it you should) to find out. A clue:

This man swept in from an NFL assistant's job and shot off his mouth as if he were the second coming of Bobby Bowden. He talked of reviving a proud football tradition and winning championships, and then in 2007 produced more losses than in any season in this great school's history.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

But Why Do I Fall For The Jordan Bakers Of The World?

... speaking of fever dreams, I had a cold late last week. I get over colds by 1) not working, 2) Alka-Seltzer Cold Plus medicine, 3) drinking lots of water, and (most importantly) 4) sleeping sleeping sleeping. I have weird dreams when I'm sick and during this most recent cold, my weirdest one was being the Nick Carraway character in a The Great Gatsby dream! It was a short dream and there's not much to tell, but damn upon waking up it felt nice to be part of a Great American Novel.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007


There's an Australian version of Pardon the Interruption?? Subjects discussed include wallabies, cricket, kangaroos, and (natch) the Australian Open. This seems like something out of a fever dream that I would have.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Proper Use Of Language

The Purple play the New York Giants this Sunday. It bugs me when NFL pundits and sports announcers refer to the Giants as "The G Men." It just sounds stupid. We here at Exiled go old school and call them "The New York Football Giants."

On another football note, I emailed the Common Man this afternoon with this line:

"How can Adrian Peterson rehab by running underwater when he walks on water?"

He used it on air. It got a rim shot.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Beats The Don Lucia Perm, Hands Down

I see from watching Sioux hockey this year that like me, Dave Hakstol also went into this season's campaign sporting a new crew cut look. Just want you to know that this was purely coincidental.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Bob Seger, "Lookin' Back", 1971

Original single version available here. Lyrics, as always with any great song, don't do the music justice. "Smoky funky powerchords" is what Lester Bangs wrote. Download and listen, if you will.

You hit the street, you feel them staring
You know they hate you you can feel their eyes a glarin'
Because you're different, because you're free
Because you're everything deep down they wish they could be

They're lookin back (lookin back) they're lookin back (lookin back)
Too many people lookin back
They're lookin back (lookin back) they're lookin back (lookin back)
Too many people lookin back

They watch the news, see young men dying
They watch them bleedin' and listen to them lyin'
And if they're normal if they can see
They just reach out and change the channel on the TV


When they could vote, and end the war
They're much too busy fittin' locks upon the back door
Give you a foxhole, a place to hide
Cause when the war comes the cops'll be on their side

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Corporate America Still Sucks

Jason Nagel of Cities 97, a friend of Exiled, was let go by Clear Channel last week. Jason, if you're reading: Sorry to hear the news, my man - hope you are doing well.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Homers, Homers, Everywhere

Homers in the media aren't only limited to the Twin Cities. They are in every sports market. Cases in point over the weekend:

1) On KFGO-AM, Sioux hockey radio play-by-play guy Tim Hennessy said that the Wisconsin hockey coaches were probably wondering how they pulled off their Friday night win over North Dakota. Final score? Badgers 4, Sioux 0. As my cousin Dale used to say to announcers who incessently brought up shots-on-goal totals: "Any time you wanna play for shots on goal, let me know."

2) On NBC on Saturday, the color guy talked about Air Force was "eking out a ten-point win" over Notre Dame. One, two, three points? Sure those are "eking out", but not ten. Yes, I know NBC is based in New York City while Notre Dame is in South Bend, but NBC's coverage of the Irish still qualifies as homerism in my book. And Air Force ended up beating Notre Lame by 17, which certainly qualifies as a beatdown. (This allows me an excuse to link to Slate's hatchet job on Irish coach Charlie Weis.)

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Tough Teams And Sportsmen

Tonight I was watching North Dakota vs. Wisconsin from Madison via a FSN-Wisconsin feed. After the first period, they flashed back to a classic bench-clearing brawl between the teams in 1982. This was the one where the arena's beer garden was right next to the teams' benches, so the Sioux players were fighting Badgers and also ended up fighting with some fans. It was started when Badger player John Newberry sprayed the Sioux's Cary Eades with a water bottle, so one of the wildest brawls in college hockey history is simply known by the quaint moniker of "The Water Bottle Game." (Incident recounted here by the Badger stick boy at the time. While the poster might be using an anonymous name, coincidentally the color guy on the broadcast tonight said was the stick boy for that Badger team and pretty much told the same story as on the linked message board.)

Two classic lines from the 1982 Wisconsin play-by-play guy: 1) "They (UND) are fighting everybody! The Badgers, the fans, the cops!" 2) "And North Dakota has done it again!!"

They interviewed current-day Newberry during the intermission also. He said something like: "As I'm nearing fifty, I'd rather be remembered for squirting a water bottle then not to be remembered at all ... I mean 'supposedly' squirting a water bottle."

It should be noted that North Dakota beat favored Wisconsin in the national championship game that year. After the win, Eades skated the championship trophy over in front of the Wisconsin fans. They stood and cheered him and the Sioux.

Tonight it was a nasty game between the two teams. There were some heated moments and things bubbled over late in the third when all of the non-goalies on the ice were going at it. I don't think any punches were thrown, but all ten players were ejected. The announcers in the FSN-WI booth were loving it. The color guy said that if Wisconsin wants to play at the high level that North Dakota does, they need to get some of their nastiness. The play-by-play guy excitedly pointed out that these two teams have a history, giving an excuse to once again show footage of The Water Bottle Game brawl.

After the game ended (Sioux won 3-1), the coaches went for the customary hand shake, then went back towards their teams. I saw Badger coach Mike Eaves turn and say or yell something at Sioux coach Dave Hakstol. They cut to the Sioux congratulating their goalie; then soon enough cut right back to Eaves and Hakstol, who by now were jawing at each other heatedly. Eventually, a Badger assistant stepped in to move Eaves away and the coaches went to their respective corners.

And of course the two teams' players went through with their customary handshake, with the players going over to the opposing coaches for a handshake after.

UPDATE: YouTube of the 1982 "incident", alas no audio. UW in white, UND in green. At about the 1:05 mark ... things are quieting down after the first uproar and then look for UND's Jim Archibald to come charging out of the walkway and attack the Badger bench:

Monday, November 05, 2007

I'm Raising A Cold One To Him

I didn't know Matt Zaun real well, he spent some time earlier in the year working at a client's of mine. He always made me smile, though. Either with a dry-wit remark or because of the smile that was ever-present on his face. I saw him there at the studio last Friday. It was one of those days that were so busy for both of us that we didn't exchange much beyond a "hi." Before he left for the day, he said he was going to the same party that I would be at on Saturday. I looked forward to seeing him there, he was someone I genuinely wanted to get to know better.

I told this to Jeff today after he told me that Matt had passed away over the weekend. I pointed out that I didn't even know where Matt was from. Jeff said that he was from North Dakota. Rest in peace, Matt.
I Don't Care What My Brother Says, I'm Gonna Write About My Fantasy Football Team!

Marshawn Lynch of the Buffalo Bills (best-named team in all of sports) came up big for my team, The Moe Greens, today. And tonight it finally dawned on me that he was the same California running back who drove an injury cart around the field after scoring the game-winning overtime touchdown against Washington last year. Classic!

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Tip Your Bartenders, Tip Your Friends

Last summer I was having coffee with Carin and for whatever reason decided to explain to her what a shelter belt is. This led me to wonder aloud if the better band name is "Shelter Belt" or "The Shelter Belts." She said: "You don't smoke pot. Why do you come up with imaginary band names?" I can't remember what I said at the time but I guess I do it because it's fun and makes for good blog filler and post titles.

At the bar the other night, I was the only one in the joint at the time. The bartender declared: "I'm stoned and bored." I said: "You could come up with imaginary band names." She immediately said: "'I'm Stoned And Bored' would be my band's name."