Tuesday Tuneage
Joe Jackson - "Sunday Papers"
1979

I recently ended my subscription to the Minnesota Star Tribune. Reducing the sports page to four pages on weekdays was part of the decision, as was their setting the print deadline for the next day’s news at 5:15 p.m., as was the constant flow of depressing headlines when sitting down to read it nightly after dinner. The final straw was something that happened over the span of a week or so in the sports pages. Shortly after the December 12th blockbuster trade in which the Wild obtained elite defenseman Quinn Hughes, columnist LaVelle E. Neal III wrote a (in my opinion correct) column about how this was the right move for the Wild, time for them to put their chips in and go for it by acquiring such a talent. A few days later, columnist Chip Scoggins wrote a (in my opinion correct) column about how this was the right move for the Wild, time for them to put their chips in and go for it by acquiring such a talent. Then a few days after that, columnist Jim Souhan wrote a (in my opinion correct) column about how this was the right move for the Wild, time for them to put their chips in and go for it by acquiring such a talent. Isn’t there an editor at the Strib who said: “Hey the readers don’t need to read the same thing three times in less than a week?”

Then there’s Evan Ramstad’s staid business columns, he had a recent headline: “Minnesotans’ moderation, not radicalism, is working against Trump’s immigration crackdown.”  Or how about never being able to decipher what the heck John Rash is writing on the opinion page (I swear I’ve gotten headaches trying to work through a piece of his.) Plus I’m weary of every year or so having to send an email reminding them that in the Miracle on Ice game, the USA team beat the Soviets in a medal round game and not a semifinals game (or that when the Americans beat the Finns to win the gold that was also a medal round game and not a finals game — look it up) because some reporter will inevitably write that incorrectly. Seeing the correction in print a few days later would be small vindication but why deal with the hassle? 

So I decided to not spend $249 a year just for the pleasure of reading Arlo and Janis. I decided to get an Apple Premier bundle to get Apple News+ along with my Apple Music and Apple TV subscriptions, I found out getting that bundle was cheaper than my previous Apple subscriptions plus the Star Tribune one. (I created a spreadsheet, these numbers are incontrovertible.) And after poking around in Apple News+, I found out I can follow … The Minnesota Star Tribune and read a bunch of their articles there. So come Stanley Cup playoffs time I can see what their sports columnists think about that trade for Quinn Hughes. Can’t wait.

Tuesday Tuneage
Waylon Jennings - "The Chokin' Kind"
1967

The NFL recently expanded the regular season to seventeen games, thereby giving the Minnesota Vikings a chance to pile up some wins against a bunch of mediocrities late and achieve a winning record of 9-8 by beating a mail-it-in Green Bay Packers team at home in week 18. Still, the Vikings missed the playoffs where they would have no doubt magnificently choked. So I was left wondering: Which teams left in the playoff field are most likely to cause Vikings fans anguish by winning? Because I will of course cheer for those teams. Here is one man’s rooting guide.

Los Angeles Rams - In 2022 months after the Rams won the Super Bowl, Vikings general manager Kwesi Adofo-Mensah declared: “You don’t want to go full Rams.” Let’s see, since then the Vikings are 43-25 in the regular season while the Rams are 37-31. But the Vikings are 0-2 in the playoffs and the Rams are 2-2 in the playoffs (including a 27-9 2024 shelling of the Vikings) and are still alive this season with a top MVP candidate in Matthew Stafford. Full Rams is bad? Go Rams!

Seattle Seahawks - You hear the annual whine from Vikings fans about the Seahawks: “We have to play them every year and it’s always in Seattle.” Almost seems true until you remember the 2015 Divisional round game in Minneapolis. The Vikings “outplayed” the Seahawks (you will see that one again further down) and were hoping to beat them on the strength of four Blair Walsh field goals, but Walsh pushed a 27-yard one left during the waning seconds. Hilarious! Cue the Paul Allen call. Go Seahawks!

Chicago Bears - September 19, 1985, Monday Night Football, Bears vs. Vikings in the Metrodome. After driving Mike Ditka nuts with his demands to enter the game, the previously benched Jim McMahon entered the game in the third quarter and quickly threw three touchdown passes in under seven minutes. The Bears cruised to a victory and of course also cruised to a 15-1 record and a Super Bowl victory after this legendary 1985 season. Wouldn’t it be a blast if the Bears won another championship on this fortieth anniversary? Go Bears!

Denver Broncos - Vikings fans hate Broncos coach Sean Payton. Much of this dates back to the 2009 NFC Championship Game, when his Saints beat the Vikings in overtime to advance to (and win) the Super Bowl. “We lost even though we outplayed the Saints!” Vikings fans claim to this day, but a quick look at the box score shows that the Vikings had five turnovers to the Saints’ zero. Their last turnover was especially juicy, as Brett Favre threw across his body for a pick and Tracy Porter mocked the Jared Allen lasso dance at the end of his return. Cue the Paul Allen call. Throw in that the Vikings plan for this 2025 season was to be a serious playoff contender with a great defense and an ascendant second-year quarterback. Dohkay: Every time I tuned in a Vikings game, some running back was shredding their defense for 6,7 yards (Emanuel Wilson, anybody?) and J.J. McCarthy (when playing) wasn’t exactly throwing Troy Aikman-like touch passes. Meanwhile Payton’s Broncos have the league’s second-best defense and Bo Nix is an ascendant second-year quarterback. Go Broncos!

Buffalo Bills - Their four Super Bowl losses match the Vikings total losses in that game. A Super Bowl win would let them surpass the Vikings in big game wins totals. Plus they have the best team name in all sports now that Devils Lake (ND) High School is no longer the Satans. Go Bills!