Tuesday, September 02, 2014

Tuesday Tuneage
The Backbeat Band - "Money (That's What I Want)"
1994

There was an article in Sunday's Star Tribune about how the state of Minnesota is sitting on $600 million in unclaimed assets. Once I saw the headline, I immediately rolled my eyes. You see, I'm on the list of those who have unclaimed assets, but I can't claim the dough. (We'll get to that later.) I first heard about the unclaimed assets in 1999, when the state revenue department had a publicity campaign to push people to step forward and secure their unclaimed money and property. The campaign used Governor Jesse Ventura to this effect, an ad said something like "Governor Ventura Wants You To Get Your Unclaimed Money." They printed a long list in the newspapers, and I saw my name. I called the state and was told that it was a $200 check related to business I had done in Florida. The rep told me I would have to fill out a claim form, have it notarized, and also provide proof of having done business in Florida. I knew immediately where this check was from. Earlier that decade, I had worked for a general contractor and was assigned a trust account in order to write checks for things such as blueprints, permits, and occasional office needs. This checking account was in my name, rather than the company's, probably because they were too paranoid to give me signing authority on their company-wide checking account.

Monthly, I would turn in a reconciliation and a detail of this account, which led to some of those great boss/subordinate conversations:

Accounting Boss: "Why did you write a $25 check for a fan?"
Me: "My old one was busted and I needed a new one, my office gets really stuffy in the summer."
Accounting Boss: "You should have gone through Purchasing."

(Later that year:)

Me: "I need a new ten-key, mine is busted. Do you know if Purchasing has any spare ones on hand?"
Accounting Boss; "Bill, we're a billion-dollar company. A ten-key runs like what, thirty bucks? Take your checkbook to the office supply store!"

At one point, the company had a project going on in Florida and I wrote a $200 check for blueprints. So while I never had been to Florida and this check wasn't technically "mine", it apparently had never been cashed and the authorities in Florida turned the money over to Minnesota. I would have taken the money and run, but I had no way of proving Florida business and didn't figure a fraud rap was worth $200.

BUT: People became obsessed with this unclaimed assets list. I heard from immediate family members, non-immediate family members, friends of relatives, etc. about my unclaimed money. I patiently told the story about how the money wasn't mine. "Are you sure?" they would always ask. Then about five years later, I got an email from a friend saying his wife had found The List and saw my name. I told him the 1999 story all over again. He suggested I call the state, maybe this was other money. (I did not make the call.) So now we have another round of publicity about William P. Tuomala's unclaimed money that actually isn't William's. Thing is, back in 1999, the state maintained they would seize all the unclaimed stuff in a year for their general fund if the individuals didn't speak up for it. Goddamn gubmint: You were supposed to make this Florida nonsense of mine go away years ago!