Stagg-ering

Like my attempt at writing a witty, punny, sports-page headline?

Congrats to the St. John's football team on knocking off the Goliath that was Mt. Union in the Stagg Bowl and winning the Division III national championship. It was a blast of a game to watch as the Johnnies defense outhit and outmuscled the Purple Raiders vaunted offense. On the other side of the ball: SJU's quarterback calls his own plays - cool. You football geeks who haven't read about John Gagliardi and his "Winning With Nos", check it out here.

Holiday Spirits

I asked my favorite bartender - he filled me in. The CC Club:

December 24th CLOSES at/around 5:00 p.m.
December 25th OPENS at/around 5:00 p.m.

Now it's on to figuring out those holiday bus schedules...

And Now Grandpa Simpson Makes Complete And Utter Sense

My day this past Saturday:

12:30 p.m.: Wake up (went to sleep on Friday around 11:45 p.m.), go to YMCA for a workout
2:00: Go to grocery store to stock up snack bar for the football game
2:30: Talk to my brother on the phone about the football game
3:00: Listen to, then watch, Sioux lose Division II championship football game
6:00: Talk to my brother on the phone about the football game
6:30: Eat supper
7:05: Fall asleep on futon during A Charlie Brown Christmas
10:45: Get off futon, tumble into bed, wake up on Sunday around 11:30 a.m.

Apparently Dry Hands Had Something To Do With Yesterday's Vikings Loss

I just turned on KFAN and heard Greg Coleman talk and talk about the importance to a punter of keeping your hands moist. All the cliches about sports talk radio are true. Please, someone come up with a smartass remark on this - I haven't had my morning coffee yet.

Sweet Home Alabama

The University of North Dakota Fighting Sioux football team has advanced to the Division II national championship game in Florence, Alabama this coming Saturday. (Unlike corrupt Division I; Divisions I-AA, II, and II all have playoffs - what a concept!) The Sioux will be playing the Grand Valley State Lakers, defending national champions and the team that the Sioux beat for the title in a classic championship game in 2001.

It should be a fun one as Division II games are a blast. Last week in the semis, the Sioux successfully faked both a field goal (for a touchdown) and a punt in the fourth quarter. A few years back, Northern Colorado successfully faked two punts on the way to a championship game win. You can check out the title game on ESPN at 3:00 central time on Saturday, December 13th. Internet radio broadcast featuring my guy Eddie Schultz is also available.

Coming Down The Mountain

Football was to Bo Jackson as blogging is to yours truly. Exiled on Main Street #37 is now posted. Essays about Sam Phillips, Lester Bangs, and ... (surprise, surprise) Bill Tuomala. Find out why free beer isn't always free.

Listen Here, Pilgrim

Do everyone a favor tomorrow. Call it "Thanksgiving." It's a pretty neat holiday and it has a nice, decent name. Don't diminish it by calling it "Turkey Day." Thank you.

Because I Had Only Heard Of, And Had Not Seen, The Bowery Boys

Speaking of Cheap Trick and websurfing, something I read years ago in The Rolling Stone Record Guide (the red one, not the blue one - a book I flipped through and studied voraciously as a youth) now makes sense thanks to the fun I have with google image search. Dave Marsh - who praises Cheap Trick to the skies and gives At Budokan five stars - wrote: "Rick Nielsen was a ringer for Huntz Hall of the Bowery Boys."

Two Minutes Of Joyful Surfing

I was curious about a song by Cheap Trick on Heaven Tonight title "California Man." The album said it was written by R. Wood, but I couldn't find the Ron Wood album it was on, so I went to AMG and found out it was instead written by Roy Wood of the Move. Then by further clicking I saw that a version of it by a band called the Hellbenders appeared on awesomely-named collection "Straight from the Gutter and into Your Panties." I'd never heard of this collection or any of the bands, but was intrigued by the band named New Wave Hookers (Ginger Lynn starred in the flick New Wave Hookers, today's research for a secret project led me to find out that Nikki Dial appeared in New Wave Hookers 3.) Turns out the New Wave Hookers have only released one EP, in 1998, and the cover is a nod to the cover of the New York Dolls first album, though I couldn't tell if the Hookers dude had a can of Schlitz like the Dolls did.

Send It To 4-6 Notre Dame, Who Might Be Gullible Enough To Hire Someone Just Because His Name Is "George O'Leary"
(or)
Hey Vikings Defense: Have Another!

The sad part about the recent collapse of the Minnesota Vikings' defense is that defensive coordinator George O'Leary is going to have to once again lie on his resume in order to get another coaching job.

This Ain't No Place To Jones

Rush Limbaugh returns to the airwaves today. While many liberals laughed at Rush's addiction, I instead laughed at all of his fans. But I would now like to take this opportunity to say a big howdy-do to all of you Limbaugh fans who have unfailingly waited on everything a drug addict had to say. I mean, for me, it's like "Welcome to the club!"

Over the years, I've loved the words, works, and performances of addicts and drunks such as: Keith Richards, Guns 'n Roses, Kurt Cobain, Paul Westerberg, Ray Charles, Waylon Jennings, Johnny Cash, Lester Bangs, David Letterman, Lemmy Kilminster, Ron Wood, James Hetfield, Robert Downey Jr., Jerry Lee Lewis, and many many more.

The recommended song today for all the Limbaugh lovers (past and present) is Paul Westerberg's "Hillbilly Junk." Enjoy the return of your hero.

File These Under "February 14th"

Hats off to Paul Westerberg, who has written two of my most-favorite romantic lines ever, the second of these is on the new Grandpaboy album:

If you were a pill, I'd take a handful at my will
- "Valentine"

Honey, c'mon let me drink your spit
- "Get A Move On"

The only thing that remotely compares to these was a personal ad in City Pages last year that said the gal (Geez! Why didn't I call?!) loved Jagermeister and contained the line "let's black out together."

This Is My Body, Given For You To Drop In My Blood

I don't have Showtime, so I won't find out whether the following anecdote (related by Michael Deaver in his book Behind the Scenes; I read it in Joan Didion's essay "In the Realm of the Fisher King", collected in her book After Henry) is included in "The Reagans" miniseries...

During the 1980 campaign, the Reagans attended a church service at an Episcopalian church in Virginia. Deaver didn't know that the service would be having holy communion, a ritual he describes as being "very foreign" to the couple. Communion goes as such:

Deaver assures Mrs. Reagan that it will be acceptable to just dip the wafer in the chalice. Mrs. Reagan chances this, but manages somehow to drop the wafer in the wine. Ronald Reagan is too deaf to hear Deaver's whispered instructions, and has been instructed by his wife to "do exactly as I do". He, too, drops the wafer in the wine, where it is left to float next to Mrs. Reagan's. "Nancy was relieved to leave the church," Deaver reports. "The president was chipper as he stepped into the sunlight, satisfied that the service had gone quite well."

So what tickles your funny bone more? That Reagan didn't know how a basic Christian sacrament works? Or the irony of all those Charlie Church conservatives supporting him?

Dollar Bill

A portrait of yours truly (at my day job) by renowned Minneapolis artist Chank Diesel. Secured by Steve "Fists of Fury" Jockisch of the Spunk Studio. Soon to be above my mantle. I am surrounded by greatness.

Suomi

And just think what these people could do without all the depression, drinking, and suicidal tendencies ...