Friends did not at all end like I had imagined it:
Joey - Is revealed he's been on Viagra for three years now.
Chandler - Dumps controlling, obsessive Monica. Goes into hiding to become a writer.
Ross - Gets offed by coffee shop geek Gunther in murder/suicide.
Monica - Gets committed to mental institution. Straightjacket, padded room, the whole works.
Phoebe - Confesses that she truly is, like, fifty-five years old.
Rachel - Starts amateur porn webcam site with Linda from Becker.