Waylon Jennings - "The Chokin' Kind"
1967
The NFL recently expanded the regular season to seventeen games, thereby giving the Minnesota Vikings a chance to pile up some wins against a bunch of mediocrities late and achieve a winning record of 9-8 by beating a mail-it-in Green Bay Packers team at home in week 18. Still, the Vikings missed the playoffs where they would have no doubt magnificently choked. So I was left wondering: Which teams left in the playoff field are most likely to cause Vikings fans anguish by winning? Because I will of course cheer for those teams. Here is one man’s rooting guide.
Los Angeles Rams - In 2022 months after the Rams won the Super Bowl, Vikings general manager Kwesi Adofo-Mensah declared: “You don’t want to go full Rams.” Let’s see, since then the Vikings are 43-25 in the regular season while the Rams are 37-31. But the Vikings are 0-2 in the playoffs and the Rams are 2-2 in the playoffs (including a 27-9 2024 shelling of the Vikings) and are still alive this season with a top MVP candidate in Matthew Stafford. Full Rams is bad? Go Rams!
Seattle Seahawks - You hear the annual whine from Purple fans about the Seahawks: “We have to play them every year and it’s always in Seattle.” Almost seems true until you remember the 2015 Divisional round game in Minneapolis. The Vikings “outplayed” the Seahawks (you will see that one again further down) and were hoping to beat them on the strength of four Blair Walsh field goals, but Walsh pushed a 27-yard one left during the waning seconds. Hilarious! Cue the Paul Allen call. Go Seahawks!
Chicago Bears - September 19, 1985, Monday Night Football, Bears vs. Vikings in the Metrodome. After driving Mike Ditka nuts with his demands to enter the game, the previously benched Jim McMahon entered the game in the third quarter and quickly threw three touchdown passes in under seven minutes. The Bears cruised to a victory and of course also cruised to a 15-1 record and a Super Bowl victory after this legendary 1985 season. Wouldn’t it be a blast if the Bears won another championship on this fortieth anniversary? Go Bears!
Denver Broncos - Vikings fans hate Broncos coach Sean Payton. Much of this dates back to the 2009 NFC Championship Game, when his Saints beat the Vikings in overtime to advance to (and win) the Super Bowl. “We lost even though we outplayed the Saints!” Purple fans claim to this day, but a quick look at the box score shows that the Vikings had five turnovers to the Saints’ zero. Their last turnover was especially juicy, as Brett Favre threw across his body for a pick and Tracy Porter mocked the Jared Allen lasso dance at the end of his return. Cue the Paul Allen call. Throw in that the Vikings plan for this 2025 season was to be a serious playoff contender with a great defense and an ascendant second-year quarterback. Dohkay: Every time I tuned in a Purple game, some running back was shredding their defense for 6,7 yards (Emanuel Wilson, anybody?) and J.J. McCarthy (when playing) wasn’t exactly throwing Troy Aikman-like touch passes. Meanwhile Payton’s Broncos have the league’s second-best defense and Bo Nix is an ascendant second-year quarterback. Go Broncos!
Buffalo Bills - Their four Super Bowl losses match the Vikings total losses in that game. A Super Bowl win would let them surpass the Vikings in big game wins totals. Plus they have the best team name in all sports now that Devils Lake (ND) High School is no longer the Satans. Go Bills!