Joe The Silly Campaign Symbol

Johnson over at Fitted Sweats sums up the John McCain/Joe the Plumber relationship perfectly: "Get a room already!"

Yesterday, Joe stood up McCain at a rally. Hilarious. Joe claims he didn't know he was supposed to be there. Boy that McCain campaign is seamless, ain't it?

Joe the Plumber comes off as the sort of dimwit who would buy that business and then run it into the ground within three years via running up his business credit cards by: 1) Charging needless "business expenses" such as starting a company softball team and buying top-line uniforms and equipment for them ... thing is his company only has three employees so the rest of the squad is made up of his beer-drinking buddies. Oh, and he would probably also charge costs incurred at gentlemens' clubs as "entertainment" and would sometimes forget to bring a client. 2) Charging all kinds of personal expenses like Friday night pizza deliveries to his home and his Netflix account ("can't get enough of that Joe Dirt!") and claiming that it's justified because "I think about this business day and night."

Then after bankruptcy, he would sit at the bar drinking Michelob Golden Draft Light and grouse about how severely taxed small businesses are.

Slacking Works?

I had pizza and beers with my college buddy Bob last Friday. We figured out that major slacker non-decisions I went with while in my twenties and employed with a salaried real job have worked out. To wit:

1) I didn't buy a house. If I had, it'd be worth less today and I'd be depressed.

2) I didn't put as much into my 401(K) as I could have. Sure, the market may rebound but more money in my 401(K) would have meant that last Friday when I got my third quarter statement in the mail it would have been even more depressing because I would have lost more money than I actually did.

3) I turned down a lateral career move that would have transferred me to Los Angeles. To get ahead in that company in accounting you had to move around the country. Turning down such career opportunities meant staying here in the Twin Cities, which is even more important to me these days: If the economy totally tanks, I'm glad to be twenty miles away from a potential home in my sister's basement.

"We're All Keynesians Now"

Justin Fox in the most recent Time magazine on the "we're comin', we're comin'" of Keynesian economics.

Esquire Names Michele Bachmann Top Ten

Problem for her is, she's named one of the Ten Worst People In Congress:

One gets the impression that if, in the name of "traditional values," Bachmann could rescind the vote for women, she would. Her vacant, wild eyes recall a doomsday prophet, or one of Charlie Manson's girls. Equal parts religious hack and party hack, she's got spunk and not much else.

Because Everybody's Been Clamoring for Them: Tax Links!

Calculate your taxes under McCain and Obama.

The McCain and Obama taxes on income levels, put in chart form. (Or if the Post asks for registration, click on the image.)

The Early Eighties Gets Even Weirder

Ellen Foley is the gal who sang with Meat Loaf (pre-eighties) on the turn-the-dial-now! tune "Paradise By The Dashboard Light." A different gal appears with Loaf in the video.

Ellen Foley dated Mick Jones of the Clash in the early eighties. He produced one of her albums, the Jones/Strummer songwriting team wrote songs for it, and the Clash dudes played on it.

Ellen Foley is allegedly the inspiration for the Jones-penned Clash hit "Should I Stay Or Should I Go?"

Ellen Foley was the pre-Markie Post blonde public defender who starred with Harry Anderson on Night Court in season two.

Ellen Foley is a fox.

Cosmic Slop Returns?

Chuck and Joel have a couple of podcasts up and are having fun.

Yes, Mark, "Rock 'n' Roll Party In The Streets" is played!

The show has profiles on MySpace and Facebook but no linkage here as I don't do those sites. (Chuck if you're reading feel free to chime in with more info - thanks!)

Saturday Afternoon Movies

I have gotten back into the fall/winter/spring groove of watching DVD movies on Saturday afternoon with coffee. The past few weeks have been awesome:

Drugstore Cowboy - Junkies on the run. I hadn't seen this one in years, so long that I had forgotten that it is set in 1971. I haven't done a "my top ten favorite movies ever" list in years, but I know this one was in there at some point. Matt Dillon's best performance?

In Bruges - Hitmen on the run. Hard to sum this one up, but I laughed out loud repeatedly and it's not a comedy and is in fact sad and violent at other times. Everybody was brilliant in this, but Colin Farrell was a revelation: his facial expressions alone would get me to praise his performance.

The Wild Bunch - Bandits on the run. I saw this years ago but didn't get it for some reason. Now I do. Amazing in so many ways - especially the robberies and shootouts scenes - plus it stars William Holden. The funny thing is that I was prompted to add it to my Netflix queue after watching an ALF rerun on WGN last summer: ALF ends up in a neighbor's house surrounded by police. He tells them that he has hostages (he doesn't.) While on the phone with Willie, he worries that this situation will "end up like a Sam Peckinpah movie."

Still Rube Central

Last night Saturday Night Live Thursday (huh?) went with a spot-on imitation of the crazy old lady at John McCain's Lakeville rally last Friday. We all thought we had lived through a short-lived phase of Minnesota being the heart of wackdom where in a single day Barack Obama was called an Arab and Magic Johnson was accused of faking AIDS, but no.

And then to up the ante, this afternoon Minnesota's #1 public wackjob - and a Christian Wackjob at that - appeared on MSNBC's Hardball With Chris Matthews and made sure that The Land of 10,000 Lakes remained rube central. Congresswoman Michele Bachmann, as batty as advertised and unable to deal with Matthews's questions, stepped up to the plate and delivered some doozies:

On Obama: “Absolutely, I’m very concerned that he may have anti-American views.”

On Congress: “What I would say is that the news media should do a penetrating expose and take a look. I wish they would. I wish the American media would take a great look at the views of the people in Congress and find out, are they pro-America or anti-America? I think the American people would love to see an expose like that.”

Word has it that the opponent to Bachmann this fall, Elwyn Tinklenberg, has seen a large influx of donations to his campaign tonight since Bachmann's appearance on MSNBC. Unfortunately, it seems unlikely that the Democrats could convince her to go spew her nonsense to voters in battleground states.

Update: Colin Powell slams Bachmann! In your face, Congresswoman!

Saturday's game is supposed to be on channel 23 also ...

All week long, websites said that Comcast Minneapolis channel 23 would be showing tonights North Dakota vs. Mankato State hockey game. I rushed out the door at 6:30 to get beer, beef jerky, and ibuprofen (nagging back.) I come home and what game are they showing? Minnesota vs. St. Cloud State, which is also on FSN and FCS Pacific. Nice. The game isn't on a webcast and I don't feel like listening via the KFGO audio. Now what do I do? I'm someone who lives by a bunch of little schedules and when things get sidetracked I get flustered. It just seems wrong to crack open a Heineken when the Sioux aren't on TV.

Sigh. Guess I'll read a book and work on some writing.

Here's An Easier Way: Go To Google Images And Type "Virgin Mary"

People who see the Virgin Mary in trees, clouds, and hospital windows are pretty damn funny. Some window gets an acidic reaction that makes a random formation and you decide it looks like the mother of Jesus so you bring a chair to the hospital's parking lot so you can look at the window. You might not be the brightest person out there and I hope you're not skipping work to prove it ... but hey: Worshipping a woman is cool in my book.

And which vision do you believe in more: The Virgin Mary in an egg salad sandwich or the annually-guaranteed improved Vikings defense?

The MILF Ticket?

I was freaking out friends last week by saying/emailing this:

"Palin-Bachmann '012!"

Sure Glad I'm Not Temping These Days

Back in the days when I was temping, there was a stock figure who appeared in the large offices I worked at. He was the Nice Guy Accountant. Sometimes being a temp meant being shunned by the regulars, but Nice Guy Accountant would strike up a conversation with me and make me feel a little bit more comfortable. Problem was, his talk always turned to "the market":

All he talks about are bonds, investments, and the stock market. I’m sorry, I want to say, but money bores the shit out of me. Earlier this week, he was talking to the gal in the cubicle next to his about some “Wall Street Week” show that he watches on PBS on Friday nights and was going on and on about how cool the host of the show is. The gal finally shut him up by saying “you’re pathetic.” I cracked up and couldn’t stop laughing. Then she started laughing, which made me laugh more, which made her laugh more, etc.

Let's see ... I was making like twelve bucks an hour, lived in a tiny one-bedroom apartment, and only allowed myself to not brown bag my lunch and eat out on Fridays. You think I really cared that much about the Dow?

Minnesota Reads

I was interviewed by Minnesota Reads, (from their site) "a blog that publishes book reviews by Minnesota Readers and talks to Minnesotans about what they’re reading."

The blog is a noble and fine effort, we need more info out there about books and authors and local readings.

And I'm glad to state that my attorney did not at any time stop the questioning.

Geez Louise: Suddenly I Live In The Rube Capital Of The World

Today in the Twin Cities area:

1) A crazy old lady at a McCain rally in Lakeville (it's some exurb south of Burnsmell) called Obama an "Arab," forcing McCain to take back the mic and then defend Obama.

2) On KTLK, (something called) Chris Baker and (something called) Langdon Perry asserted that Magic Johnson faked his AIDS.

Poster Offensive IV, My Soundtrack (Kinda)

I deejayed at the Frank Stone Gallery Friday night for the opening there of the fourth Poster Offensive show. Go check it out (it's there until October 12th) as there are some brilliant and beautiful posters to view and also purchase. The goal was to play political/topical/social commentary songs and highlights/lowlights for me included:

Def Jeff setting the deejays up with a stash of gin and tonic ingredients. Bombay Sapphire? Freakin' good!

Emotional reunion with my now-in-NYC (except this weekend, natch) deejay buddies. All the same stupid inside jokes work!

Wanting to play both the Yardbirds' "You're A Better Man Than I" and "Shapes of Things" and figuring out that I could loophole it by playing the Jeff Beck Group's version of "Shapes of Things."

Playing Brownsville Station's "Smokin' in the Boys Room" (protest music, get it?), expecting all the over-forty crowd to come up and slap me high-fives ... and having the song only be acknowledged by somebody who was born years after it hit #1.

Getting thumbs-up on Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Saturday Night Special" from the same man who once shook his head in amazement that I grew in North Dakota. He had then proceeded to describe winters there as "a cold sunovabitch."

Telling a rather attractive older woman that "this is just a hobby" when she asked if I could deejay an event for her. Then saying to myself: "Who the hell are you? Bo Jackson?"

Spotting a Finnish word on a poster. (Remarkable as I only know a dozen or so Suomalainen words.)

Winding up my night of spinning by playing Metallica's "Master of Puppets." Legend (if legends can be only twenty-four hours old) has it that I started the Metallica and then walked away, but in reality the Met brought Ben in a hurry from the floor so that he could take over and play Slayer. I walked away after he showed up as it had been quite a while deejaying without a bathroom break and concurrently quite a while with folks bringing me drinks as I deejayed, leading to a bladder inbalance.

Ben, Def Jeff, and I singing along with the chorus of Big Country's "In a Big Country." Beautiful, man.

Yelling "Don't take the brown acid!" after Def Jeff got done with his good night and good luck announcement.

Best Time Of The Year?

You know it's fall when metal becomes the preferred soundtrack while writing. This afternoon it was AC/DC's Powerage, tonight it was Def Leppard's High 'N' Dry.

Now it's off to headphones and vinyl and a Heineken and some proto-metal, Truth by the Jeff Beck Group.

Turns Out The New Deal Still Works

Is my money safe? My bank is a member of the FDIC so money there is insured up to $100K. Oh yeah, I think my money is safe.

Good thing conservatives didn't break up the FDIC in an effort to save me from big government. Anybody wanna google and see if those goofs tried?