I Guess The Only Other Thing That Could Bring Cheer Would Be To See The Hot White Chick Bartender And A Hot Black Chick Customer Kiss Each Other On The Lips At The Bar ... Wait, Last Night Is Coming Back Into Focus ...

The Sioux collapsed in the third period last night and lost to New Hampshire. It looked like they might finally get a series sweep this season, but no.

What I needed to cheer me up by weekend's conclusion would be losses by the two teams I actively cheer against. The Vikings, of course, came up little and lost at Denver. Boy, they sure can run the ball on offense and stop the run on defense, can't they? Riggggghhhhht.

Even more unimpressively, the Gopher hockey team failed to beat the two Atlantic Hockey cream puffs they invited to their own tournament; losing to Rochester John Marshall Institute of Technology and tying Air Force. (A shootout win to award a third-place trophy doesn't count as a real win, so says the NCAA.) Gopher apologists will no doubt point to Kyle Okposo leaving to go pro plus the three players who are gone for the World Juniors ... but hey: it was RIT and Air Force. The RIT loss was especially glaring. According to the Strib:

RIT, a third-year Division I program without scholarships, had never played a WCHA team before. Never played on an Olympic rink.

Speaking of the World Juniors, we can now look forward to weeks of the Gopher faithful blaming any sub-par play on "being tired from World Juniors." Gopher hockey players are the only youngsters I know who suffer from jet lag for six weeks. And while I was ready to joke that at least they won't use the "team hasn't been the same since Tyler Hirsch left" excuse this season, the Grand Forks Herald's Sioux hockey beat writer points out how much Okposo's production diminished with Hirsch gone. So let's leap to the logical conclusion: If Hirsch wouldn't have been kicked off the Gopher squad last year, Okposo would have had a better year. This would have given him more confidence to become an even better player and team leader this season, meaning he would have fully committed to playing his full sophomore season. I hear the Gopher fans already: You ruined one season of Gopher hockey and might just ruin a second one. Damn you, Tyler Hirsch!

Happy Boxing Day

A Charlie Brown Christmas as performed by the cast of Scrubs.

Merry Christmas Everybody

Marah's Christmas album is certainly putting me in the holiday mood. Great songs and Ray Conniff Singers-like cornball dialogue, with a alchoholidays twist:

Say, did you know that "wassailing" is an old English term for a night on the town boozing it up with friends?

Hopefully I'll have time for Charlie Brown before I head to my sister's. Unfortunately, I won't make it to the Jewbilee tonight. I heard Sid Hartman will be there.

No Surprise Here

Once this afternoon's NFL games were completed, Purple faithful everywhere must have got a sinking feeling in the their stomach. Suddenly, if the Vikings won tonight, they were guaranteed a spot in the playoffs. Given the history of this franchise, the inevitability of the Vikings laying an egg was almost certain. And the result? Washington wins 32-21, and it was never close.

All-Pro fullback Tony Richardson lost yardage and was stopped for a safety. Tavaris Jackson showed himself for the mediocrity that he truly is. The Vikings' overrated defense did jack. The Purple couldn't run the ball, they couldn't stop the run. The Redskins stuffed the run, and were able to run the ball or gain yardage via bubble screens. (Something named) Todd Collins went 22-29 with two passing touchdowns.

So now for the Purple to make the playoffs, next week Minnesota must win at Denver and hope that Dallas knocks off Washington. Denver is never an easy place to win, and Dallas may be resting some starters now that they have home-field secured for the postseason.

The Minnesota Vikings: Tonight they were once again chokers on a national stage. Yep, the franchise has been restored.

You See A Man With A Shovel, I See The First Step To World Dominance

My building's caretaker is out of town until December 26th. I agreed to shovel the sidewalks for him while he's gone. But the power has gone to my head and I have channeled my inner Al Haig.

I Am Not A Foodie

(And I think "foodie" is about the stupidest fucking new word I've heard in recent years.)

I was downtown today for my allergy shot and after walked over to Keys for a late lunch. I had the Denver Sandwich. The Keys variation also has cheese, but I don't think it had onions. It was awesome!

Also, this Keys (in the Foshay Tower) has a full bar and is open evenings. I didn't partake, but Denver Sandwich + beer could be a future rival for my affections to Brit's scotch egg + beer.

Best Flip-Flop Ever

I used to be against light rail because I took an Economics of Transportation course in business school and the professor was against it. But, as my roomies used to politically incorrectly joke around with back in those days: "He's not from this country and is not to be trusted." (Say that enough these days and you could be on the short list for the GOP presidential nomination.) When light rail came to Minneapolis, I ended up being against it because: 1) I never felt the need to go between downtown Minneapolis and the Maul of Amerika, and 2) It would invariably slow my commute from a St. Paul client (now a former client) to a near-Hiawatha-Avenue client.

But I now fully support light rail.

The good news is that the light rail hasn't killed anybody yet this month. (Shouldn't the saying now be: "In case I get hit by a light rail train" instead of "bus"?)

The better news is that once that Northstar Commuter Rail is up and running, I will never have to spend a holiday sober again. Here will be my new way to get to my sister's house:

- #4 bus from my neighborhood to downtown Mpls
- Northstar from downtown to Coon Rapids
- As I am told there aren't cabs up there, either my sister or brother-in-law "get" to pick me up at the train station.

Reverse course to get back home. My hands will never touch the wheel! First trains to run November 2009 - just in time for the holidays. Do commuter trains have bar cars?

Goddamn.

I'm watching Countdown With Keith Olbermann and MSNBC newsfox (they have a deep bench of these) Alison Stewart is guest hosting. But lately she's wearing her hair straight. Yowsa.

I Will Never Hear "These Eyes" The Same Again

I finally watched Superbad last weekend and it's the best teen comedy since Dazed and Confused, which was the best teen comedy since Fast Times At Ridgemont High, which is the gold standard. (And I feel I'm hedging my bets with all three of these movies by applying the "teen" tag to them.) Superbad is awesome, and lives up to the hype used in TV trailers last summer. Phrases like (I'm working on memory here): "Once in a generation" and "Will be quoted endlessly."

I had to stop the movie about halfway through to regroup, I was laughing so much. (This was during the breathalyzer scene.) In my three-plus years of Netflixing, it may well be the first movie that I hold onto to watch again. So yes, I will be one of those annoying people who just may refer to you as "McLovin." You've been warned.

Hockey, Da

Chad over at Fraters Libertas travelled behind the Iron Curtain to Russia and got a chance to witness a Russian Super League game. His post, complete with pictures and a short video, is a great read for hockey fans. Check it out.

Dwight Smith, Punk Loser

Dwight Smith was cited for smoking dope in downtown Minneapolis this week.

According to the police report, an officer saw Smith's car impeding traffic in front of Sheik's Palace Royale nightclub at 10:11 p.m. The officer approached the car and "smelled the strong odor of marijuana," according to the report.

This is the same guy who yukked it up on the sidelines while the Purple were getting blown out at Lambeau Field last month. Smith is one classy dude. The article mentions other incidents in his past:

- In 2006, Childress suspended him for one game after Smith was cited for indecent conduct with a woman in a downtown stairwell.

- While playing for Tampa Bay in 2003, he pleaded guilty to pulling a gun on a motorist.

- In 2005, he was arrested after being in a vehicle in which someone pointed a gun at a group of fans outside a fast-food restaurant in Tampa.

Also noteworthy in the Strib article:

The report noted that defensive lineman Pat Williams was at the scene as well, but Williams was not cited. Minneapolis police spokesman Sgt. Jesse Garcia said Williams played the role of peacemaker and identified himself as a reserve in U.S. Marshal Service of Louisiana.

How much of a punk is Smith that a peacemaker was needed in his dealings with the police? It's the Minneapolis cops, Smith is lucky he didn't get a nightstick to the jaw. Also: here you thought Pat Williams was a fierce run-stopping defensive lineman. Turns out he's more like Dwight Schrute, a former Lackawanna County volunteer sheriff's deputy.

Next Step: Draping Myself In Velvet

I'm going through physical therapy and we are encouraged to wear comfortable clothes to the sessions, which involve learning a bunch of new exercices. So for me, it's typically sweat pants and a teeshirt. I've been able to schedule the sessions on days I'm working at home, but on Tuesday I had to go to a client's right after therapy. The PT place doesn't have a locker room to change in, and I didn't feel like using the men's room. So I wore sweat pants to my client's. No big deal as her office is at her house and I just had to interact with her and her husband, but it still felt weird wearing sweatpants out in the real world. And since pretty much everything leads back to Seinfeld:

JERRY: Again with the sweat pants?

GEORGE: What? I'm comfortable.

JERRY: You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweat pants? You're telling the world: "I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable."

Come to think of it, I didn't shave today either ...

But hey - my inbox tells me I just got an accounting recommendation on LinkedIn from Tuesday's client. Sweatpants: Not just for the health club, physical therapy, and holiday meals any more.

Coincidence?
or
It's Not Often I Cheer For Comcast, But ...

I watched V For Vendetta tonight and found it kinda funny in the movie that the network that delivered crap, propaganda, lies, and fear-mongering was called "BTN."

The King And I December Schedule

10>Mon- Rockit Fuel! is: C-Gull, Heavy Metal Amy, Cecil Otter, Tanner & T-Machine
11>Tue- Lisa McGrath
12>Wed- PLAIN OLE BILL
13>Thu- Housekeeping with Brian Thomas
14>Fri- Irie X-mas with Dj Jennifer, Luke & Bro, Mary Cheesecake
15>Sat- JOBOT

17>Mon- Rockit Fuel! is: C-Gull, Heavy Metal Amy, Cecil Otter, Tanner & T-Machine
18>Tue- It Takes All Kinds... with Platetektoniks
19>Wed- DJ NIKOLESS
20>Thu- The Saint
21>Fri- Mrs McFeelie, Natural Ice and The Underweight Lovers: Bjorn & Dave
22>Sat- FUN BOYS

24>25>Mon-Tue- CLOSED for HOLIDAYS!

26>Wed- PETEY WHEATSTRAW
27>Thu- Replicant Soul with Dj Tk
28>Fri- TREEHOUSE RECORDS
29>Sat- Brigadier Woodro of 3 King Sound System

31>Mon- NEW YEARS EVE COUNTDOWN!
with Djs: E-DAWG! & D.O.
*Full Menu 'til Midnight*Drink Specials*$2 PBRS All Night!*
*Reservations Recommended!*

Stupid Subconscious

Apparently, I was so upset over the Gophers victory over the Sioux (and UND's poor play) last night that I had a dream that I was hanging out with Mitt Romney. Worse, I was being passive with him even though I wanted to quiz him on some stuff. I was sitting right next to him, close enough to get a good whiff of the snake oil. Ugh.

The good news is that I eventually woke up. And a pal came over last night for the game and came bearing gifts: I still have a tallboy of Sapporo in the icebox that needs to be quaffed.

Let's Play

Sioux vs. Gophers this weekend in Grand Forks.

Only two people out there will get this one, but ... after UND scores on will against Gophers, forcing Don Lucia to make a goaltender change; I can just hear Doug Woog saying: "The Sioux have sent Frazee packing for Vergas!"

On a note so strange that I can't decide if it's funny, fun, or just weird - Dean Blais and Woog will be playing each other in bubble hockey tonight. If coaching talent (and/or recruiting talent and/or motivating talent) is directly related to bubble hockey talent, then Blais wins in a laugher.

Update: Blais does win in a laugher: the homers at FSN didn't give a final score, but in the recap I saw Blais score at least four goals. Woog admitted he only got one shot on goal.

Update #2: Okay they gave the score later during the game. Blais 4, Woog 0.

Update #3: After being outplayed for forty minutes, the Sioux take over third period and win the game 4-2. I can see why Homersota.com refers to FSN as the "Friendly Sports Network." Tonight in the pregame and early in the game they went on and on about the Gophers' winning record vs. the Sioux in UND's new arena. Funny - they never mentioned the Gophers' postseason record in that building. I do have to give props to Frank Mazzacco for (correctly) referring to the fans at Mariucci Arena as "mild-mannered." Also, why does the Twin Cities media constantly refer to Jeff Frazee as a "big-game goaltender"? Outside of last season's WCHA Frozen Five championship, what big games has he won? He got burned big-time in the Sioux's game-winner in the West Regional final last season. What big games (PLURAL) has he won?

One More Thing: I predicted it to a couple of Gopher fans earlier this week and now I am doubling down. (If that is the correct gambling term to use.) In Saturday night's game there will be fisticuffs between UND and UM and players will be tossed from the game and suspended for a future game. My guess is Rylan Kaip for the Sioux vs. whoever the least-soft Gopher is. Both teams face off against nonconference opponents in their next games after Saturday, so there will be players willing to be suspended for a game.

Two Candles In The Window Tonight
or
I'm Guessing Jaeger Troops Aren't What I Originally Thought They Might Be

December 6th is Independence Day of Finland.

So today I went to the cabin in order to hang out by a noisy lake and didn't even want to take a boat out on the lake as it was too crowded. Tonight I got eaten by mosquitos, and watched fireworks that started when it was light out and ended before true darkness because all the little kids were whining.

Oh wait ... that's AMERICAN Independence Day. Tonight I can just sip a couple of beers at home while wearing my Suomi hockey jersey.

Perfect Timing

Today Kid Leo (not to be confused with King Leo) declared A Christmas Gift For You From Phil Spector to be the greatest rock 'n' roll Christmas album ever. No argument here. Today this postcard came in the mail from Roadrunner Records. I'm still chuckling.

I Woudn't Buy A Used Car From This Man

I watched about forty minutes of the GOP debate the other night and had one lasting impression: Mitt Romney is a slick huckster and I trust him about as far as I can throw him. John McCain absolutely took him out behind the woodshed when the subject of waterboarding came up and Romney refused to take a stand either way on the issue. He is one creepy dude.

All Over But The Reviews

I've read a handful of reviews of Jim Walsh's 'Mats book, but this one is easily the best. I have never read a book review with a more compelling first three paragraphs. Genius!

(Thanks to my main man Joel for the link.)

Might As Well Jump

One of my six favorite clients, Spunk Studio, is the subject of today's small business feature in the Strib. Congratulations, Jeff and the folks over at Spunk. I'm so impressed I can't even take one of my obligatory Spunk tough-love cheap shots!

This Oberservation Is Weeks Late, But ...

I don't hate the Red Sox like I do the Yankees, but they do bug me. What really grates on my nerves is during their recent post-season appearances, they have never invited former player Sam "Mayday" Malone to throw out the first pitch. Sammy has been the most beloved bartender in Boston for decades now. C'mon, Sox - show some class.

Happy Thanksgiving Everybody

It's no secret that I'm a big fan of a well-crafted Patrick Reusse hatchet job. One of my favorite holiday traditions is reading his "Turkey of the Year" column every Thanksgiving in the Strib. Last night the column was posted online. I clicked on it and then quickly closed my browser - the Turkey column is best enjoyed in print with a cup of coffee. I decided to wait until today to enjoy it. This year's column is of course a gem, with cheap shots galore:

It was basically a lousy year for the Twins' slap hitters, including a guest Piranha, Joe (Big Slappy) Mauer.

---

Derek Boogaard. He runs a summer fight camp for hockey players, makes more threats toward opponents than the Russian mafia, and then whines that the referees look at him more closely than other players during his three 30-second shifts a night for the Wild.

---

Certainly, (Don Lucia) deserves another table setting today for having his choice of recruits and winding up with the lowest graduation rate in Division I hockey. A reminder: Early pro signees don't count against the graduation rate, unless they are not in good academic standing when they leave school.

---

Who was the eventual Turkey of the Year? You'll have to read it (and read it you should) to find out. A clue:

This man swept in from an NFL assistant's job and shot off his mouth as if he were the second coming of Bobby Bowden. He talked of reviving a proud football tradition and winning championships, and then in 2007 produced more losses than in any season in this great school's history.

But Why Do I Fall For The Jordan Bakers Of The World?

... speaking of fever dreams, I had a cold late last week. I get over colds by 1) not working, 2) Alka-Seltzer Cold Plus medicine, 3) drinking lots of water, and (most importantly) 4) sleeping sleeping sleeping. I have weird dreams when I'm sick and during this most recent cold, my weirdest one was being the Nick Carraway character in a The Great Gatsby dream! It was a short dream and there's not much to tell, but damn upon waking up it felt nice to be part of a Great American Novel.

Wha??

There's an Australian version of Pardon the Interruption?? Subjects discussed include wallabies, cricket, kangaroos, and (natch) the Australian Open. This seems like something out of a fever dream that I would have.

Proper Use Of Language

The Purple play the New York Giants this Sunday. It bugs me when NFL pundits and sports announcers refer to the Giants as "The G Men." It just sounds stupid. We here at Exiled go old school and call them "The New York Football Giants."

On another football note, I emailed the Common Man this afternoon with this line:

"How can Adrian Peterson rehab by running underwater when he walks on water?"

He used it on air. It got a rim shot.

Beats The Don Lucia Perm, Hands Down

I see from watching Sioux hockey this year that like me, Dave Hakstol also went into this season's campaign sporting a new crew cut look. Just want you to know that this was purely coincidental.

Bob Seger, "Lookin' Back", 1971

Original single version available here. Lyrics, as always with any great song, don't do the music justice. "Smoky funky powerchords" is what Lester Bangs wrote. Download and listen, if you will.

You hit the street, you feel them staring
You know they hate you you can feel their eyes a glarin'
Because you're different, because you're free
Because you're everything deep down they wish they could be

CHORUS
They're lookin back (lookin back) they're lookin back (lookin back)
Too many people lookin back
They're lookin back (lookin back) they're lookin back (lookin back)
Too many people lookin back

They watch the news, see young men dying
They watch them bleedin' and listen to them lyin'
And if they're normal if they can see
They just reach out and change the channel on the TV

CHORUS

When they could vote, and end the war
They're much too busy fittin' locks upon the back door
Give you a foxhole, a place to hide
Cause when the war comes the cops'll be on their side

Corporate America Still Sucks

Jason Nagel of Cities 97, a friend of Exiled, was let go by Clear Channel last week. Jason, if you're reading: Sorry to hear the news, my man - hope you are doing well.

Homers, Homers, Everywhere

Homers in the media aren't only limited to the Twin Cities. They are in every sports market. Cases in point over the weekend:

1) On KFGO-AM, Sioux hockey radio play-by-play guy Tim Hennessy said that the Wisconsin hockey coaches were probably wondering how they pulled off their Friday night win over North Dakota. Final score? Badgers 4, Sioux 0. As my cousin Dale used to say to announcers who incessently brought up shots-on-goal totals: "Any time you wanna play for shots on goal, let me know."

2) On NBC on Saturday, the color guy talked about Air Force was "eking out a ten-point win" over Notre Dame. One, two, three points? Sure those are "eking out", but not ten. Yes, I know NBC is based in New York City while Notre Dame is in South Bend, but NBC's coverage of the Irish still qualifies as homerism in my book. And Air Force ended up beating Notre Lame by 17, which certainly qualifies as a beatdown. (This allows me an excuse to link to Slate's hatchet job on Irish coach Charlie Weis.)

Tough Teams And Sportsmen

Tonight I was watching North Dakota vs. Wisconsin from Madison via a FSN-Wisconsin feed. After the first period, they flashed back to a classic bench-clearing brawl between the teams in 1982. This was the one where the arena's beer garden was right next to the teams' benches, so the Sioux players were fighting Badgers and also ended up fighting with some fans. It was started when Badger player John Newberry sprayed the Sioux's Cary Eades with a water bottle, so one of the wildest brawls in college hockey history is simply known by the quaint moniker of "The Water Bottle Game." (Incident recounted here by the Badger stick boy at the time. While the poster might be using an anonymous name, coincidentally the color guy on the broadcast tonight said was the stick boy for that Badger team and pretty much told the same story as on the linked message board.)

Two classic lines from the 1982 Wisconsin play-by-play guy: 1) "They (UND) are fighting everybody! The Badgers, the fans, the cops!" 2) "And North Dakota has done it again!!"

They interviewed current-day Newberry during the intermission also. He said something like: "As I'm nearing fifty, I'd rather be remembered for squirting a water bottle then not to be remembered at all ... I mean 'supposedly' squirting a water bottle."

It should be noted that North Dakota beat favored Wisconsin in the national championship game that year. After the win, Eades skated the championship trophy over in front of the Wisconsin fans. They stood and cheered him and the Sioux.

Tonight it was a nasty game between the two teams. There were some heated moments and things bubbled over late in the third when all of the non-goalies on the ice were going at it. I don't think any punches were thrown, but all ten players were ejected. The announcers in the FSN-WI booth were loving it. The color guy said that if Wisconsin wants to play at the high level that North Dakota does, they need to get some of their nastiness. The play-by-play guy excitedly pointed out that these two teams have a history, giving an excuse to once again show footage of The Water Bottle Game brawl.

After the game ended (Sioux won 3-1), the coaches went for the customary hand shake, then went back towards their teams. I saw Badger coach Mike Eaves turn and say or yell something at Sioux coach Dave Hakstol. They cut to the Sioux congratulating their goalie; then soon enough cut right back to Eaves and Hakstol, who by now were jawing at each other heatedly. Eventually, a Badger assistant stepped in to move Eaves away and the coaches went to their respective corners.

And of course the two teams' players went through with their customary handshake, with the players going over to the opposing coaches for a handshake after.

UPDATE: YouTube of the 1982 "incident", alas no audio. UW in white, UND in green. At about the 1:05 mark ... things are quieting down after the first uproar and then look for UND's Jim Archibald to come charging out of the walkway and attack the Badger bench: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_G-FTg419NM

I'm Raising A Cold One To Him

I didn't know Matt Zaun real well, he spent some time earlier in the year working at a client's of mine. He always made me smile, though. Either with a dry-wit remark or because of the smile that was ever-present on his face. I saw him there at the studio last Friday. It was one of those days that were so busy for both of us that we didn't exchange much beyond a "hi." Before he left for the day, he said he was going to the same party that I would be at on Saturday. I looked forward to seeing him there, he was someone I genuinely wanted to get to know better.

I told this to Jeff today after he told me that Matt had passed away over the weekend. I pointed out that I didn't even know where Matt was from. Jeff said that he was from North Dakota. Rest in peace, Matt.

I Don't Care What My Brother Says, I'm Gonna Write About My Fantasy Football Team!

Marshawn Lynch of the Buffalo Bills (best-named team in all of sports) came up big for my team, The Moe Greens, today. And tonight it finally dawned on me that he was the same California running back who drove an injury cart around the field after scoring the game-winning overtime touchdown against Washington last year. Classic!

Tip Your Bartenders, Tip Your Friends

Last summer I was having coffee with Carin and for whatever reason decided to explain to her what a shelter belt is. This led me to wonder aloud if the better band name is "Shelter Belt" or "The Shelter Belts." She said: "You don't smoke pot. Why do you come up with imaginary band names?" I can't remember what I said at the time but I guess I do it because it's fun and makes for good blog filler and post titles.

At the bar the other night, I was the only one in the joint at the time. The bartender declared: "I'm stoned and bored." I said: "You could come up with imaginary band names." She immediately said: "'I'm Stoned And Bored' would be my band's name."

Blast From The Past

I'm enjoying a favorite fall and winter Sunday afternoon tradition. Watching the late-afternoon NFL game? No - listening to Vikings Fan Whine Line on KFAN ("Your Reaction To All The Action".) This is a call-in show after the Vikings game where Purple fans call in with their opinions on the game, players, coaches, etc. It's hosted by Jeff Dubay and Mike Morris. (Favorite Morris-isms include "they are what they are" and "the calvary isn't coming any time soon" ... Morris has been using that last one for at least three years now - it's the only calvary I've heard of that travels on foot.) With as mediocre as the Purple have been the past few years, the angry and frustrated calls from the armchair quarterbacks and general managers are hilarious.

A few minutes ago, there was a call from a guy in Detroit Lakes calling for Bud Grant to be brought in as head coach. The caller was serious and based on his unique name and voice, I'm sure it was a slow-witted, acne-inflicted dude I used to work with at a Hardee's in DL during over twenty years ago! Whine Line - entertaining as hell and bringing up summer job nostalgia - I LOVE IT!!

More On The 'Mats Book

I finished reading Jim Walsh's 'Mats book, All Over But The Shouting, last night but blew through it so fast that I will have to read it again this winter to absorb it. A few thoughts:

1) Replacements book drinking game! Any time someone mentions booze or being drunk, take a drink. See if you can make it through a chapter, I dare ya. (Thanks to Carin for getting the idea of a 'Mats book drinking game in my head.)

2) I am strangely glad to be the one responsible for Taco John's being mentioned in the book.

3) About two-thirds of the way through the book, it dawned on me: For whatever reason, what this story reminds me of the most is the original The Bad News Bears.

Things You'll Never Hear

Inspired by the "Things You'll Never Hear" bit on the Common Man Progrum (i.e. "And with that sure-handed grab, Troy Williamson makes his fourth reception of the game." ... "Carl Pohlad went out and tried to buy himself a World Series title."... Hello Gopher football fans! Welcome to the game and Happy New Year!"), I came up with a few of my own:


Things You'll Never Hear From A Gopher Hockey Fan:

"Yeah we have a good freshmen class, but your team's is better."


Things You'll Never Hear From A Gopher Hockey Coach:

"You don't actually think I'd use the 'we're still tired from World Juniors' excuse weeks into the new year, do you?"


Things You'll Never Hear On A Gopher Hockey Broadcast:

"Boy the Gophers are really playing the body tonight, they're physically manhandling the opponent."

" And as expected, the heavily-favored Gophers have easily beaten their opening-round opponent in the NCAA tourney."

Replacements Book Is Out Now

Jim Walsh's The Replacements: All Over But the Shouting: An Oral History is out sooner than earlier expected - I picked up my copy today. It's a sharp-looking book, great cover photo and also great photos inside. I've flipped through it a couple of times and have chuckled at some of the quotes.

I'm proud to be part of the permanent unauthorized record - I'm in there a couple of times talking about seeing the band live. (Please don't let this discourage you from buying the book.)

Congratulations, Jim. The 'Mats legacy was one screaming for a book-length telling. I'll raise a cold one to ya as I read your book this week.

RIP, Max McGee

The hero of the first Super Bowl, Max McGee, is dead at age 75 after falling off his roof. McGee's Super Bowl story is a classic of old school sports heroism: He didn't expect to play in the game and was up all night drinking. The Packers' starting wideout went down, and McGee stepped in to score two touchdowns.

As a kid, I read every childrens or young adults history of football and history of baseball book I could get my hands on. Also in the mix were football and baseball stars bios and books such as The Linebackers: The Tough Ones Of Pro Football (that one written by SI's own Dr. Z.) So the Max McGee Super Bowl I story was known at an early age. Though I would like to look at the book or books that contained the story - they said that McGee had been up all night, but I doubt drinking or a severe hangover were mentioned. (Historical aside: Super Bowl I was at the time actually known as the AFL-NFL World Championship Of Football.)

The story from the Strib contains a couple of classic McGee quotes:

- "When it's third-and-10, you can take the milk drinkers and I'll take the whiskey drinkers every time."

- McGee once teased Vince Lombardi when the coach showed the team a football on their first meeting and said, "Gentlemen, this is a football."McGee said, 'Not so fast, not so fast.'"

Rest in peace, Max McGee.

Gopher Radio Announcers As Inept As The Team On The Field

I listened to the last minutes of 1-AA Football Championship Subdivision squad North Dakota State knocking off Minnesota today on WCCO-AM. The crew on the radio was laughable. In the short time I listened, I heard the following:

- Darrell Thompson suggested that the Gophers might be able to drive down the field and force overtime. Thing is, they trailed by six points at the time. Was he banking on a missed extra point?

- Dave Lee questioned why the Bison would throw the ball on third-and-nine. They were near midfield at the time, but weren't in field goal range.

- Dave Mona was quick to go after the officials and call a roughing the punter call as questionable, though to his credit he did reverse his stance after seeing the replay.

I still have a soft spot for Darrell Thompson though. Years ago when he played at the UM, somebody at the office I worked at said they had seen him on Nicollet Mall during the lunch hour. I immediately piped up with a Fast Times quote: "Wow! Does he really live here? I thought he just flew in for games!"

Boston College: If You Can't Host Big-Time College Hockey Then Move To Division III

Boston College, notorious Frozen Four bridesmaid and winner of a mere two national championships in college hockey, is hosting North Dakota tonight.

1) The game time was delayed by twenty-plus minutes due to a power outage.

2) Early in the second period the game was stopped due to a power outage. The TV and Internet feeds were out for twenty-plus minutes and now they say the game will restart in five minutes.

This reminds me of A) when the clowns at Mariucci Arena a few years back who couldn't keep a good ice sheet going for a Sioux vs. Gophers game and there was an hour-plus delay, and B) in '96 when the idiots in Ohio had ponds of standing water on the ice during the Frozen Four.

Boston College ... not capable of running a peewee exhibition game. Sheesh.

Update: When they showed an on-the-ice angle during the second period, there was fog prevalent. The color announcer went on to tell about THREE different hockey games in this arena that had similar problems, and then went on to compare how foggy tonight's game is compared to a game against Boston University last season. (His verdict: The BU game was worse - it was suspended, which hasn't happened yet tonight.) Boston College ... not capable of hosting your "hey let's all go ice skating!" birthday party.

Update: Game cancelled after two periods and apparently settled as a 0-0 tie. Boston College ... get a fucking real facility and join the big boys.

C. Thomas Howell Plays For CC?

Four Colorado College hockey players were suspended for wearing blackface. Classy!

Unconfirmed rumors about the CC hockey team include: That a player who lagged on the ice was labeled as "being as mobile as a lawn jockey" and that the Tigers refer to their road jerseys as "darkies."

By The Way ... Nice Airbrush Job, Mojo

Upon getting the new Mojo mag in the mail Tuesday and getting it out of the plastic bag, my immediate reaction was:

"What the hell is Jackie Earle Haley doing on the cover of Mojo??"

Turns out is was Liam Gallagher ... or maybe it was Steve Nash?

In November Of 2000, I Wanted To Form A Band Called "The Recount Five" Soooo Bad

Via rockcritics.com, it's a great piece by Luc Sante on the essential Nuggets anthology.

He does a great job detailing the background of the original (and for my money, the best) punk rock. And wraps it up beautifully at the end:

Anyway, kiddies, these are your ancestors, who suffered through innumerable sock hops at American Legion halls so you can be the little Antichrists you are today.

Mike Wilbon Rules!

I'm sure that Tony "Monday Night Football" Kornheiser is considered the star of ESPN's Pardon The Interruption, but for my money Mike Wilbon is the man. I like Tony, but Wilbon is: The man whose sports sensibilites are better attuned (i.e. he is Midwest and not East Coast, he mocks the "the Yanks and the Sawks" overhyped rivalry, he is not a stars-only type sports fan), the man who is right more often, the man who is genuinely funnier, and the man from PTI who I would more like to drink beer with.

Today it was Wilbon who pointed that the Colorado Rockies great streak - they have won 18 out of their last 19 - has been underappreciated and that if this had been accomplished by the Yanks or the Sawks (or even the Mets or the Phillies) said team would be declared The Greatest Ever.

But on a generational note, Wilbon came up with the Quote Of The Week today. When asked by substitute co-host Dan Le Batard if he played video games as a kid, Wilbon yelled:

"No! We played Strat-O-Matic! Be a man!!"

Fun With Egosurfing

Just so you know, it was the State v. Tuomala case that decided that no pre-trial jail time credit be given for cases in which the defendant is found not guilty by reason of insanity.

You Can Sing "Tuomala" To This Song

Maybe my favorite bit from the original UK version of The Office - their rendition of a Muppets classic. I could watch this all day.

If Derek Peltier Were My Teammate, My Nickname For Him Would Be "Free"

... and yet another funny sports thing. It's the annual "Gopher hockey team says it will be tougher" blurb in the sports page. According to Derek Peltier:

"We want teams, when they get done playing us, to have some bumps and bruises."

Yep, uh-huh, okay - but it won't be a big surprise when the Gophers are being pushed around by blue collar teams in February, March, and April (scratch that last month?) of 2008.

Gopher Hockey: Guaranteed Soft.

"No!! No!!!"

The Vikings have a bye this week, so alas you can't pen them in for a loss (and an automatic point) in your weekly football pool.

But you can watch this entertaing video. It's video of a game called Tecmo Bowl (note: my video game knowledge is pretty close to zero) combined with the radio call from noted homer, Paul Allen of KFAN, of the Vikings' classic loss to the Arizona Cardinals on the last week of the 2003 season.

Aside from hilarious memories of yet another classic Purple choke job, it's funny that the game spells "touchdown" as two words.

The King And I October Schedule

6-Sat> Nancy Cheng

8-Mon> Sigelman
9-Tue> Lisa McGrath
10-Wed> Plain Ole Bill
11-Thu> Housekeeping with Brian Thomas
12-Fri> Didgital Resistance with VERB X
13-Sat> Blunt City = JamesPatrick+DanielPaul

15-Mon> Rockit Fuel! Hosted by, C-Gull
16-Tue> D.O. & D.G.
17-Wed> Dj Nikoless
18-Thu> The Saint
19-Fri> Emma 1212 (from Paris) & The Fun Boys
20-Sat> Housekeeping with Brian Thomas

22-Mon> Rockit Fuel! Hosted by, C-Gull
23-Tue> It Takes All Kinds... with Platetektoniks
24-Wed> Brigadier Woodro of 3 King Sound System
25-Thu> Replicant Soul with Dj Tk
26-Fri> Treehouse Records
27-Sat> JOBOT

29-Mon> James Leonardo
30-Tue> It Takes All Kinds... with Platetektoniks

31- Wed> HALLOWEEN BASH!
with Ebony, The Saint & Cecil Otter
Costume Contest and 241's 9:30 'til 12:30

Exiled #43 Is Published

Here is the linkage.

Cheap Shot Of The Week

Mark Craig, in today's Strib, on Denver Broncos coach Mike Shanahan's chances of knocking off the favored-by-9.5-points Indianapolis Colts: "He'll have to win this one without Brewster."

You Learn Something New Every Day

I'm listening to the Outlaw Country station on Sirius and the deejay just said that today is Lynn Anderson's birthday - her big hit was "(I Never Promised You A) Rose Garden" - and that she was born in Grand Forks. This got me curious, so I did some surfing and it turns out her mom, Liz Anderson, was born in Roseau and wrote songs that were hits for Merle Haggard: "I'm A Lonesome Fugitive" (quoted in Rock Dreams!) and the awesome "(My Friends Are Gonna Be) Strangers."

(Check out the great cover for Liz Anderson's album Husband Hunting.)

Replacements Book Out On November 15th

The Replacements: All Over But the Shouting: An Oral History by friend of Exiled Jim Walsh. With the number of anecdotes that this band has launched, this book should be cool.

Amazon link.

Myspace link.

All This Hotness Makes Me Dizzy

Last night on TBS I was watching an early episode of the US version of The Office in which a hot girl named Katy sells purses from the conference room. Katy was played by Amy Adams, but at first I thought this girl might be Allison Munn (Fez's psycho girlfriend from That Seventies Show). Secondly, I thought she could be Isla Fisher (from Wedding Crashers), who is NOT related to Jenna Fischer, who plays Pam in The Office, who I have a big-time TV crush on.

Update: Of course they are not related - I just realized their last names are spelled differently. Jenna Fischer stars in Willie Wisely's new video.

The King and I September Schedule

11-Tue> Lisa Mcgrath
12-Wed> Plain Ole Bill
13- Thu> Housekeeping with Brian Thomas
14-Fri> Dj Wicked
15-Sat> Blunt City = JamesPatrick + DanielPaul

17-Mon> Rockit Fuel! = C-Gull + T-Machine + A-me...
18-Tue> D.O. + D.G.
19-Wed> Dj Nikoless
20-Thu> The Saint
21-Fri> Brigadier Woodro of 3 King Sound System
22-Sat> Fun Boys = Pagel + Martinez

24-Mon> James Leonardo
25-Tue> "It Takes All Kinds" with Platetektoniks
26-Wed> Petey Wheatstraw
27-Thu> Ebony & Don Cacheine
28-Fri> Treehouse Records
29-Sat> Josh Mcdermott

Vikings Managment = Classless

The Minnesota Vikings had to rely on Channel 9 to step up and buy the remaining unsold tickets for the season opener against the Atlanta Falcons in order to avoid a TV blackout. On Wednesday, what reason did the Vikings give for not selling out the game? Believe it or not, they blamed it on traffic problems related to the 35W bridge collapse and the Crosstown exchange construction.

While I'm sure the traffic would scare away some fans, it was disingenuous of the Vikings management to not mention the #1 reason fans haven't bought tickets: the Purple suck. They have been 43-53 the past six seasons with only one playoff appearance, and last season's team was especially brutal and boring. But did Vikings managment step up and take the blame for lackluster ticket sales? No - they in part blamed it on the aftermath of a tragedy. Classless.

Go Vikings ... to Los Angeles ... the sooner the better.

Update: On Friday, the Common Man fired up The Excuse Computer and addressed this topic.

North Dakota Sending A Message To The Rest Of The Union?

Take the word "mistakenly" out of this headline, and suddenly it all makes sense:

B-52 mistakenly carried nuclear warheads from N.D. to Louisiana.

Everything Is On The Internet

For some reason, I wasn't completely aware of Wikiquote until last week. And for whatever reason, I typed in John Adams's name and found this great quote:

Be not intimidated, therefore, by any terrors, from publishing with the utmost freedom, whatever can be warranted by the laws of your country; nor suffer yourselves to be wheedled out of your liberties by any pretenses of politeness, delicacy, or decency. These, as they are often used, are but three different names for hypocrisy, chicanery, and cowardice.

That same day, I grabbed David McCullough's biography of Adams and decided to read it after I finish the summer-fun spy novel I'm reading now.

How Many More Do They Have Behind That Door?

The Republican party has famously declared itself a "big tent" party. I just wonder how big their closet is.

Latest Podcast Is Available

It's just me playing a bunch of songs I like and talking about 'em.

Funnier Than Sid Hartman Also

I laughed out loud while reading the sports page, and it wasn't where I saw that the Strib is actually printing standings for the NFL's exhibition "season." No, it was a blurb from the AP on Phillies pitcher Brett Myers coughing up a lead in the ninth inning.

When Myers was asked about the two home runs, he said they were really “just pop ups.”

A reporter from the Philadelphia Inquirer questioned whether Myers really thought they were pop ups, and Myers got angry.

“You’re not even a beat reporter, you’re a fill-in, you don’t know anything about baseball,” said Myers, who then called the reporter “retarded.”

And this is where I laughed out loud:

The Inquirer reporter asked if Myers could spell retarded, and Myers stood up. Burrell then restrained Myers, and Myers refused to speak any further.

Like, Totally Awesome

It looks like Twins reliever Carmen Cali has only pitched in back-to-back games once this season. If he does so again, it would awesome if when he makes his appearance in the second game, Bert Blyleven or Dick Bremer were to say that Ron Gardenhire is "going back to Cali."

One Reason Why I Choose The Rolling Stones Over The Beatles, Always

"Paint It, Black"

I just listened to it three times in a row and it's the creepiest song to hit #1 on the pop charts. Yeah, Brian Jones played a sitar but Charlie Watts is the star instrument-wise. I'm not a big lyrics guy, because when generally when somebody tells me how great an artist's lyrics are it's a sign that said artist has a crappy rhythm section and also can't sing. But the lyrics in "Paint It, Black" are so perfectly ... dunno how to describe them ... I guess they read like how you would imagine lyrics by the Stones being if they were truly evil:

I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes

and

I see people turn their heads and quickly look away
Like a newborn baby it just happens every day

and

I wanna see the sun blotted out from the sky

My Favorite TV Commercials Of The Summer

I'd list more, but these three are easily my faves. No references to a product being "on steroids" in these:

1) Jack Mulcahy (I knew him from The Brothers McMullen) singing an ode to Snickers. (The one airing this summer is a variation on this, featuring the same actors and jingle.) I did mucho surfing on this earlier this summer and found out that (allegedly) Mulcahy wrote this jingle himself. The melody is not lifted from another song, but does remind some of the chorus of Elton John's "Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters."

2) Sonic 99-Cent Root Beer Float. Alas, I couldn't find video of this. But it's the one where T.J. gives Pete a dollar to buy the float and tells him to "keep the change." If you're wondering how I know the actors names, I found out in this article that reveals they are improv actors who improvise the dialogue.

On a related note: the Sonic guys go through a convoluted explanation on how they will "bring it" to YouTube users who are making their own Sonic commercials.

3) Bruce Campbell singing "Hungry Like The Wolf" for Old Spice. Ahoy.

Is It The Best Third-Part-Of-A-Trilogy Ever?

Bill Friedkin (director of The French Connection) (he goes by "William", but us Williams can call each other "Bill" or "Billy" - it's in the rules) was on NPR on Monday and pointed out that by the time a movie franchise gets to its third part, they've given in to the almighty dollar and mail it in. But with the Bourne movies, they stepped it up and made the third one the best one.

I saw The Bourne Ultimatum yesterday, and wow was Friedkin right. This was the most paranoid movie I have seen since The Parallax View. Joan Allen and Julia Stiles? Yessir! Plus the action scenes were freakin' awesome.

Remember when George got engaged and then Susan wouldn't let him go see Firestorm with Jerry? Instead she and George went to see The Muted Heart with Glen Close and Sally Field. Then when George was leaving the theater, he saw Jerry and his buddy:

Jerry: How about when Harrison Ford jumped out of that plane, and he was shooting back at them as he was falling?

Friend: What about that underwater escape?

Jerry: Oh, man!

Well, when I was driving home from the theater and talking to myself, it was: "How about when Matt Damon was speeding with that car in reverse in the parking ramp, was getting shot at, and couldn't see over the dashboard?"

Awesome movie.

More Rick Johnson - I Love This Guy!

On Elvis Costello:
"Well, let's just say that sitting through both sides of Get Happy! can be a lot like eating an entire bag of Double Stuff Oreos. The first couple of handfuls are taste sensations, but by the time you get to the last cookie, the cream filling seems like you're licking a screen door.

"If all this sounds BORING to you, then join the club. Personally, I think Costello is a rather whiny, one-dimensional performer who's made a legend out of two riffs."

On Journey vocalist Steve Perry:
"To say that he's a whiner does not do the man justice. Perry's a whiner's whiner, squealing away furiously in the implausible air that falls between rarified and denatured. If they ever create a cartoon character based on snot, Steve will no doubt be called upon to do the voice."

On Queen's Greatest Hits:
"If you buy this record for 'Under Pressure', I have some rotten boards with bent rusty nails sticking out for sale that I'd like you to take a look at.

"Anyway, all the hits are here. The gum card opera. The American Nazi Party's cheer rip-off. The cute little ditty that makes best friends hate each other."

Denver Is A Tough Guy Town

David Beckham overcame his owie ankle long enough to make his MLS debut tonight. (With our illegal immigrants actually working, Mr. Posh was giving legal immigration a bad name.) Big surprise, the final score in the game was 1-0. But enough about a dainty Euro who our nation is collectively yawning at. Here's a little something for all those soccer fans who think soccer players are "tough":

Colorado Rockies pitcher Jason Hirsh (birthplace: USA) pitched five innings on Wednesday night with a broken leg!

Hirsh also got the victory.

"Styx Ain't Half Bad, But They Almost Are."

Okay, anybody who can make TWO great Roman Polanski jokes in a short review of a Starz album (Starz? yes, Starz) deserves my respect and admiration as a writer.

I am talking about Rick Johnson. Until I bought the Rick Johnson Reader: 'Tin Cans, Squeems & Thudpies', I hadn't read anything by him. I just knew he had written for Creem in the seventies and eighties and was considered "the new Lester" after Lester Bangs left the mag. Unfortunately, Johnson died last year. But a former editor of his put together this anthology, and Boy Howdy am I glad. I'm only halfway through the book, but am loving Johnson's wit.

For example:

He shows a nice talent for slipping in TV commercial references, such as referring to Peter Kriss of Kiss as "Meow Mix" and referring to The Who's Who Are You album as a "new pan of Who Helper."

He makes mention of George Harrison's vegetarianism, then later in the review proceeds to write: "... the real meaty parts - woops, sorry George - the real ricey parts of the album ..."

He rips the post-Exile Stones so well I want to photocopy those pages and hand 'em off to anybody who insists on the greatness of Goat's Head Soup. Or for that matter, Some Girls - it's a good album but tends to sound more like a Stones tribute band than the real Stones. I think folks who buy into Stones scams (remember the argument that Steal Wheels was "underrated"?) are ones who haven't spent quality time with Stones music pre-Beggar's Banquet. (Pick up a copy of 12 x 5 already.)

In writing about the Lester Bangs and the Delinquents album, he writes that the songwriting "if it were a nuthouse or prison, would be described as 'seriously understaffed.'"

He states that Warren Zevon would soon be starring in a film titled Zevon Brides For Zevon Brothers

On live albums: "There have been some great live albums (MC5's Kick Out The Jams; I forget the other one.)"

And even more cheap shots at George Harrison.

I have laughed out loud many times while reading this book. I am scared to write about music in the near future, fearing that my subconscious will start inserting stolen Rick Johnson cracks into my writing. Buy it, proceeds from its sale will be donated to a journalism scholarship fund at Johson's alma mater, Western Illinois University.

Thank God The Dingbats Have Left Town

Apparently when Dubya was in town today, he thought he was supposed to talk about the Iraq War. He was quoted as saying: "I make no promises on the timetable."

Yesterday we were, um, blessed by an appearance by the First Lady. I usually refer to Laura Bush as a Stepword Wife.

But yesterday, a friend called her "The Joker", which led me to specifically think that Laura Bush looks uncannily like Cesar Romero as The Joker.

The King and I August 2007 DJ Schedule

1-Wed> BUCK K.A.C. of RSE Radio
2-Thu> Die Monster presents: Christopher Jensen & Jared Thiele
3-Fri> Duets with Dj Fathertime & Miss Sara
4-Sat> BLUNT CITY = JamesPatrick+DanielPaul

6-Mon> E-DAWG!
7-Tue> D.O. +
8-Wed> Plain Ole Bill
9-Thu> Housekeeping with Brian Thomas
10-Fri> VERB X & Brigadier Woodro
11-Sat> Tone & Tonic with Julius Romero

13-Mon> Sigelman
14-Tue> Lisa Mcgrath
15-Wed> Jimmy 2 Times
16-Thu> The Saint
17-Fri> Jennifer + Free i
18-Sat> Fun Boys

20-Mon> Rockit Fuel! is *C-Gull* A-Me* T-Machine* Cecil Otter*
21-Tue> Richy Rivera
22-Wed> Brigadier Woodro of 3 King Sound System
23-Thu> Replicant Soul with Dj Tk
24-Fri> TreeHouse Records
25-Sat> JOBOT

27-Mon> James Leonardo
28-Tue> It Takes All Kinds & Platetektoniks
29-Wed> Things Kings Do... with Mike the 2600 King & King Otto
30-Thu> Ebony & Don Cacheine
31-Fri> Down by Law with Dig Dug

September 2007
1-Sat> Josh Mcdermott...

Djs 10 'til Close!

Late Night Happy Hours:
Monday - Hospitality Night 9 'til Midnight - Cocktail & Appetizer Specials... Plus $2 Buck PBRs all night!
Tuesday - Ladies Club 9 'til 1- Magaritas,Wine & Cocktail Specials
Wednesday - 2 for 1s 9:30 'til 12:30 - Single Shot Cocktails & Cheap Beer
Thursday - 10 'til Midnight - Cocktail, Wine & Beer Specials
Friday - 10 'til Midnight - Cocktail, Wine & Beer Specials
Saturday - 11 "til 1 - Coctail, Wine & Beer Specials
Sunday - Closed!

(Editor's note: These schedules are sent to me by my pal the lounge's bar manager. I'm not 100% sure, but I believe those $2 PBRs on Monday are tallboy sixteen ouncers!)

Bridge Collapse In Mpls

There was a tragic bridge collapse here tonight in Minneapolis on I-35W. I won't bother linking as you can find info on Yahoo, Strib, etc.

In case you're trying to call me, I shut off my cell phone as officials have asked people not to use their cell phones for the time being. I am okay and just hoping casualties and injuries are minimal.

The Red Cross Twin Cities website

Memorial Blood Centers

Best Summer Ever Rolls On

When I was a kid, I had a jackknife. I either got it from my Dad or absorbed it from my brother. I don't remember using it for anything, but it was sure fun to open and close. The dream knife to have for my circle of friends was a Swiss Army Knife. They looked damn cool and had all kinds of utensils included - bottle opener, can opener, screwdriver, etc. But such as knife was out of my price range. Then when I got older and the Swiss Army Knife was financially in my reach, I thought: "What the hell would I do with it?"

Well this week I was at a client's office and jammed a stapler. I racked my brain trying to get that jammed staple out. Eventually, I ended up making use of one of my keys as a tool and got the stapler fixed. But while I was working on it, I thought: "Damn, I should pack stuff like a screwdriver and tweezers in my bookbag just for situations like this." Then the Swiss Army knife popped into my head. That night, I headed to Target and bought the Spartan model of the Swiss Army Knife. Don't know if I'll run into another scary stapler jam, but it sure is fun to open and close.

The University of Minnesota is hitting up the former owner of Scheik's strip club to contribute money to their new football stadium.

I'm sure some prudes in town will frown upon this. But Gopher althetic boosters are familiar with stripping. After all, in last spring's Western Regional final game against North Dakota, Tony Lucia, Erik Johnson, Derek Peltier, and Jeff Frazee all shed their jock straps while getting burned by the play that led to Chris Porter's winning goal.

Props To Nik Cohn

There is a scribbling on the scratch pad next to my Mac. I made it to myself Friday night, I think right after I got back from my bike run to the bar. (I got a smooch on the cheek from my gal! Best summer ever?)

The scribbling is titled "Props to Nik Cohn", and here are the reasons:

1) He wrote Awopbopaloobop Alopbamboom, one of the first histories of rock 'n' roll.

2) He was the inspiration for "Pinball Wizard."

3) He was the writer on Rock Dreams, one of my two favorite rock books ever. There are days where I think: It's Psychotic Reactions and Rock Dreams and then there are all others.

4) He wrote an article which became the inspiration for a great movie, Saturday Night Fever, which spawned a great soundtrack.

Forget The Summer Of Love, Let's Talk '67 Baseball

Nice article in the Strib today by Patrick Reusse on the 1967 pennant race. I was only two when this happened, so don't have any bad memories of the Twins losing the race to the Red Sox.

Reusse also had a sidebar about the myth of the long-time love affair between New England and the Red Sox:

Nothing has been more romanticized in this generation in American sports than the relationship between New Englanders and their baseball team, the Boston Red Sox. There's a mythology this love affair never wavered, even as it went unrequited from 1918 until 2004.

In a word, this is hogwash.

The Red Sox were so inept and the recipients of such indifference in the early 1960s that their ownership floated stories that the team might be forced to move if it was unable to replace antiquated Fenway Park.

Next we to enlist Reusse in an effort to get ESPN to drop the hogwash of Red Sox vs. Yankees being "the greatest rivalry in sports." Rivalries are usually based on a notion of equals slugging it out year after year, yet the Yankees have won a couple of hundred championships and the Red Sox win one every hundred years or so. (It pains me to type this as I hate the Yankees like every other true American.) Giants vs. Dodgers has simply been a much better baseball rivalry than Sox/Yankees. And even ESPN's own website rated Sox/Yankees as #7 in all of sports.

Great Sitcom Intro

I never got into The Drew Carey Show. It was promising at first and then it lost me. (Always had a "TV Girlfriend" thing for Christa Miller as Kate though. Now love her all the more for doing the opposite meanie role as Jordan on Scrubs.) (Yes, I am aware of her two separate Costanza-related roles on Seinfeld.)

But I had never seen the ENTIRE beginning of the "Cleveland Rocks" intro until I found it on YouTube. In case you're wondering, the song is Presidents of the USA doing an Ian Hunter song. Lotsa fun - enjoy!

How Do You Say "Pay Through The Nose You Criminals" In Latin?

"The One True Religion" (newflash: it turns out all humans are fallible!) should be thankful it hasn't gotten the RICO Act thrown at it the way it has allowed child molestation to go on and on and on.

"I Bet You're A Big Lee Marvin Fan, Aren't You?"

My new writing hero is Charles P. Pierce, who in his portrait of John Edwards in the August issue of Esquire fires of these tasty cheap shots:

1) Mike Huckabee, a greasy Rotarian gasbag from Arkansas ...

2) The imporant thing to remember is that toughness is a semiotic dumb show now. In the same debate in which Mick Huckabee flexed for the camera, John McCain pointed out that in his experience, which is considerable, torture doesn't work. On this, he was disputed by a former mayor of New York, who was once tortured by the thought that his second wife would not vacate the mayoral digs in favor of his second mistress, and the former governor of Massachusetts, who once was tortured by the fact that gay people were getting married. Toughness was now a performance skill in a cowardly country taught to fear the best things about itself.

3) George H. W. Bush flew fighter planes when he was a teenager, and couldn't overcome the "wimp factor" against Ronald Reagan, whose primary combat experience was battling his way to the bar at the Brown Derby.

God Bless Those Sputniks

Terrestial radio was getting to me. I can only handle so much NPR. On KFAN they seem to talk about the same stories on every program, so I might as well only listen for the two hours of tomfoolery and the "Tough Love Covenant" that makes up the genius that is the Common Man Progrum. The Current plays too many chick singer-songwriters, hardly any rock 'n' roll, and is just too soft for me. Radio K will always have a place in my heart, but sometimes the screamcore and third world music drives me nuts. Needless to say, the commercial music stations in town are a joke - though an hour or so of KOOL 108 now and then is generally fun. (Especially if The Geezer is on the air.)

So a couple of weeks ago, I signed up for Sirius Internet Radio. I mostly did this so I could listen to Little Steven's Underground Garage station. I had heard it before via a friend, and it's one of the top three stations I've ever heard in my life (the others being Z-Rock and REV 105.) (Also on this station I heard an awesome song by the Pretty Things. I tracked down the album on which it appears and bought a copy. I will pretty much use this song as an excuse to do another podcast just so's I can play it.)

This service will come in handy when I'm at clients plugging away at a computer all by my lonesome. Plus via gadgetry, I am able to beam the sound of Sirius from my Mac to my home stereo receiver.

I've slowly been checking out the other stations. The Outlaw Country station is pretty cool, and it's also programmed by Little Steven. I heard a bit of a weekly program hosted by Joan Jett last night that sounded cool. But tonight I knew my decision had paid off: On one of the hard rock stations, I heard "Stealin'" by Uriah Heep.

Damn You Euros!

It was a moment that was Homer Simpson-esque.

Friday night I had bought a six-pack of Lowenbrau. I was rather excited as the store I normally shop at usually had Lowenbrau in twelve-packs and I didn't have the dough on hand to be able to buy a twelver. But now the store has sixers instead - sweet!

So because I thought that "tonight is kinda special", I got a glass out of the freezer and poured myself a Lowenbrau. As soon as I picked up the bottle, I thought: Something isn't right here. This bottle feels light. Sure enough, I read the label and the bottle held only 11.2 ounces of beer! For some reason, I have an empty bottle of Lowenbrau from a few years back in my kitchen (I think of it as a decoration, I guess.) I looked at it, and yep - Lowenbrau used to come in the correct size of 12 ounces.

Damn you Euros and your weird sizes! I was robbed!

Enough Already!

No more describing your product as being "on steroids"!!

In the past couple of days I have heard:

- KFAN in one of its promos being described as "AM radio on steroids"

- Dan Barrerio in a commercial on KFAN declaring a Toshiba HD DVD player as being a "DVD player on steroids"

- Some seeds in a TV commercial being called "grass seed on steroids"

- In a radio commercial on KOOL 108, a car show at Brainerd International Raceway is proclaimed "a car show on steroids"

As A Doornail

I understand there was a "Concert for Diana" in the UK on Sunday. I don't know how to break it to everybody (and if they're stupid enough to love royalty, they're probably too stupid to get it at all), but the condition that Diana has is fatal and there ain't no bringing her back.

The King and I July 2007 DJ Schedule

2-Mon> E-DAWG!
3-Tue> Derek Olson & Dave Gardner

4-Wed> CLOSED FOR INDEPENDENCE DAY!

5-Thu> Die-Monster Presents:
Christopher Jensen & Jared Thiele
6-Fri> Dj Fathertime's Bop, Rhythm and Blues the 50s
7-Sat> One Last Moan, Goodbye Chaos! with Dj Josh Mcdermott

9-Mon> Sigelman
10-Tue> Lisa's Tuesday Night Dance Party
11-Wed> Plain Ole Bill
12-Thu> Housekeeping with Brian Thomas
13-Fri> Vaya con Dios Don Cuco
14-Sat> Blunt City=JamesPatrick+DanielPaul

16-Mon> Rockit Fuel! with C-Gull, A-Me, T-Machine & Cecil Otter
17-Tue> BUCK K.A.C. of RSE Radio
18-Wed> Nikoless
19-Thu> The Saint
20-Fri> Jennifer, Free I & Colin
21-Sat> Fun Boys

23-Mon> Replicant Soul=Dj Tk
24-Tue> Brigadier Woodro of 3King Sound System
25-Wed> Things Kings Do... Mike the 2600 King & King Otto
26-Thu> Ebony & Don Cacheine
27-Fri> Treehouse Records
28-Sat> JOBOT + Nancy Cheng

29-Mon> James Leonardo
30-Tue> It Takes All Kinds & Platetektoniks

I Love TV

The past few weeks I have fallen head over heels with Scrubs. When I would watch it before, it was in bits and pieces. This didn't allow me to appreciate the rhythm or the humor of the show. In turn, the heartfelt moments just looked corny.

But now I get it. And the beauty of falling for a show that is in syndication is that with cable you can gorge like mad on reruns - none of this waiting once a week to see an episode. I think between six p.m. and midnight, you can watch five episodes on Comedy Central, WGN, and channel 45. WGN and 45 both show hour blocks, but overlap for half an hour. Though it seems you generally see an episode on 45 that you saw the night before on WGN. No biggie though, it's not like I watch every night. (Or do I?)

Major props to my main man Joel for helping me turn on to this show.

Doctor Cox rules!

Update: Thursday night I watched a rerun where Dr. Cox is babysitting a newborn baby. He gets bored, and to liven things up cracks a beer. The kicker: It was a can of Grain Belt Premium! I know what I'll be buying at the liquor store tomorrow.

Latest Podcast Available

The latest edition of Exiled Radio has been posted.

Can't remember if I've mentioned it here or not, but I've been playing around with the podcast software and the audio is much better these days. I figured out how to equalize the sound. I made this move late in 2006.

I have made no moves to upgrade my voice, then again I have been told repeatedly that it is made for the radio. Or is it that I have a face made for radio? I forget.

Anyway, tune in and enjoy.

Best Advice Ever Given In A Movie?

"Take dead aim on the rich boys. Get them in the crosshairs and take them down. Just remember: They can buy anything, but they can't buy backbone. Don't let them forget that."

- Herman Blume (Bill Murray) in Rushmore.

On a related note, this writer thinks that Rushmore should be on the new AFI Top One Hundred Movies list. I concur. And Fight Club should be on any list that dares to include that snore-fest Forrest Gump.

Quitters Never Win

Not only do the Minnesota Vikings have the reputation as being arguably the all-time leader in big-game choke jobs in all of professional sports, it turns out they can be quitters also.

Remember 41-doughnut? It turns out the Purple quit. Says Robert Griffith: "I think a few guys quit in that game."

Chokers AND quitters? Great franchise. Yeah, let's build them a new stadium.

Blame The Media

I didn't have to be anywhere until 11:30 a.m. today, so I stayed up until nearly 3:00 last night/this morning (I'm a night owl) watching some of season two of Six Feet Under on DVD.

It was great sleeping with the windows open after all those nights of stifling A/C, but then sometime around 4:30 or 5:00 I was awoken by the sound of one, then later two or more (it was hard to tell how many) helicopters overhead. I would doze lightly for a bit, but then be repeatedly awoken by the copters.

I eventually got up to check the news on why there where copters in the sky, figuring it was either 1) Officer down, or 2) Terrorist(s) on the loose in south Minneapolis. Then I remembered that there won't be any terrorists in my neighborhood until we pull out our troops from Iraq. Whew - I just hoped no officers were down.

Turns out a duplex over on Nicollet was up in flames. The helicopters were courtesy of the local news channels. And if you've ever seen those fluffy weekday morning "news" shows (I hadn't watched in years), you can see why a duplex fire would cause the local channels to send out their forces en masse. Next time somebody in the area acidentally starts their house on fire, I hope they do it in prime time when the local channels won't be so quick to send out their copters. (Though golly, can folks live without an overhead shot of a fire??)

And when the terrorists do follow the troops home (#17 in in this strip) to my neighborhood, I hope they're a little less noiser in those early-morning hours than Channel 5. Because once I'm up with the noise I stay up. And going through my day on less than three hours of sleep is no fun. Then again, maybe the terrorists will sell me a rocket launcher to take care of that KSTP chopper.

If You Support Iran, Vote Republican

I haven't read much War Nerd for the past year or so and read a few columns tonight. In the stuff I read tonight, he wonders more than once if Dick Cheney is a mole doing Iran's work here in the USA. From his "If It Ain't Fixed, Break It All Up" column:

Because we've been doing the Persian Empire's dirty work for it from the moment we took out Saddam. What is it with these supposedly patriotic types always sucking up to Iran? In the late 80s it was Ollie North bringing them cakes, Bibles, and Hawk AA missiles on behalf of Ronald Reagan; now it's Bush and Cheney actually going to war to destroy the Persians' one local rival and leave Tehran in total control of the Persian Gulf. And now, by way of fixing the mess, we're going to make Iranian dominance permanent by splitting up every other state in the Middle East.

The King and I June 2007 DJ Schedule

Mon-4> E-Dawg!
Tue-5> Derek Olson & Dave Gardner
Wed-6> Buck K.A.C. of RSE Radio
Thu-7> Volcano '66
Fri-8> Don Cuco
Sat-9> Fun Boys

Mon-11> Sigelman
Tue-12> Lisa's Tuesday Nite Dance Party
Wed-13> Plain Ole Bill
Thu-14> Replicant Soul = Dj Tk
Fri-15> Jennifer & Free I
Sat-16> Blunt City = JamesPatrick + DanielPaul

Mon-18> Rockit Fuel! with C-Gull, A-Me & T-Machine
Tue-19> Brigadier Woodro of 3 King Sound System
Wed-20> Nikoless
Thu-21> The Saint
Fri-22> Tone & Tonic with Julius Romero
Sat-23> Housekeeping with Brian Thomas

Mon-25> James Leonardo
Tue-26> Justin Salinas
Wed-27> Mike the 2600 King
Thu-28> Ebony & Don Cacheine
Fri-29> Treehouse Records
Sat-30> JOBOT

The Minnesota Strip

Last night, I downloaded this song by the Dictators called "The Minnesota Strip." Lurking in my head were a couple of inspirations:

1) I saw Drivin' n' Cryin' cover it at First Avenue circa 1992.

2) I saw (parts of?) a made-for-TV movie while in high school called "Off the Minnesota Strip" about a girl from Minnesota who returned home after running away. She had ended up turning tricks on The Minnesota Strip in NYC. Turns out this movie was written by David Chase of The Sopranos fame.

Somehow I was aware of this song, originally recorded in 1978, well before hearing DNC cover it fifteen years ago. Or at the very least I knew that the Minnesota Strip was a street on NYC where you could score blonde girls from Minnesota, all because of that TV movie I saw in high school.

In semi-related news, that prostitution ring that was busted last week in the Twin Cities had a brothel placed five blocks from where I live and it was only a block from my local Wendy's.

Typing all of this has creeped me out and I need to take a shower. Though I'll undoubtably listen to that Dictators song again tonight.

No Cure For This Cancer

Who was the prophet that wrote the following words over two years ago?

What will Randy Moss do once he figures out that the Raiders don't exactly have the brain trust or talent in hand to win a Super Bowl or contend on a regular basis? My guess: Pout, mail it in, and take his sorry act elsewhere. There will always be a gullible NFL general manager willing to pony up.

Oh wait, that was me.

Great insights on "the next Jerry Rice" from Moss's offensive coordinator in a Boston Globe article last week:

"His whole game in Minnesota was outside the numbers [on or near the sidelines]. For him to run shallow crosses and in-routes was new for him. Initially, he showed all the interest but later on . . . I don't know."

(Hey, wasn't that also me who referred to Moss as "too chickenshit to catch a ball thrown over the middle"?)

"Andrew Walter was at quarterback. He makes the play-fake and a huge hole opens up for Randy in the middle of the field but he's running down the sideline. Walter nearly threw his arm out pulling the ball back. When Randy gets to the sidelines, [wide receivers coach] Freddie Biletnikoff says, 'What were you doing?'

"Randy told Fred, 'I didn't feel like running the 6 route on the dirt part of the infield.' That's the Randy I coached. There were some games where out of 28 plays he'd have 13 or 14 busts. Wrong routes, wrong reads. Dogging it. Whatever."

Randy Moss ... "he'll go down as better than Jerry Rice" as so many misguided Purple fans probably still believe ... or only worth a fourth-round draft pick in a trade? Seems that determination has already been made.

Heidi Part Two

Today's Sabres vs. Senators game on NBC went to overtime and the Senators just won minutes ago to advance to the Stanley Cup finals. So where did one catch the OT? You would think on NBC. But no, NBC - the same network that brought you The Heidi Game - broadcast the overtime on Versus.

Why? The Preakness is being broadcast on NBC about AN HOUR FROM NOW as I type this, but NBC felt they had to broadcast all of that pre-race excitement. Aside from the NHL, Versus shows sports/events like bull riding, yachting, and bicycle racing. You would think NBC would move a "sport" like horse racing to Versus where it would be a natural fit.

It's no skin off of my back, I have Versus on my cable programming. But what about those people out there who don't have cable and look forward to catching NHL hockey on network TV on weekends? What about the lonely hockey fan watching the game in a sports bar where he doesn't have the audio informing him of the channel change?

On a slightly related note ... it's a hassle to watch NHL games while working out at the YMCA - you can only change those channels one at a time and it's quite a workout in itself to get all the way up to Versus's channel 68. Yeah. Nice deal, Bettman.

Who Snuck That Photo Of The Fighting Sioux Featured In A Win Over SCSU Into This Article? (Not Me, Seriously)

Minnesota is today's featured article at Wikipedia.

Things I learned from skimming the article:

The name Minnesota comes from the word for the Minnesota River in the Dakota language, mnisota. The Dakota word Mni (sometimes spelled mini, or minne) can be translated as "water". Mnisota is then translated as sky-tinted water or somewhat clouded water.

Hmm. We better change the name of the state to appease all those "speak English or get out" bigots.

Its isolated Northwest Angle in Lake of the Woods is the only part of the 48 contiguous states lying north of the 49th Parallel.

In your face, Canada! Or maybe its: In your face, rest of you borders-on-the-49th-parallel states!

Potlucks, usually with a variety of hotdish casseroles, are popular at community functions, especially church activities.

I brought this one up just to point out how much I hate potlucks and am glad I no longer work in offices where "hey let's have a potluck on Friday!" was signal for me to remember on Friday to skip out for lunch to the City Center food court. When I was temping, I even called in fake-sick once to avoid a potluck.

I also found out that the Twin Cities is the 16th-largest metropolitan area in the United States. And here I thought it was the 13th or 14th.

Music and Drinks, King and I Lounge, Saturday May 12th

You're invited to the King and I Lounge when the Fun Boys and yours truly deejay a night of rock 'n' roll.

The music starts at 10:30 p.m. Hopefully that Sabres vs. Senators game won't go into OT so I can see the whole game and still get to the bar on time.

King and I Thai
1346 LaSalle Ave.
Minneapolis

Here is the lounge's schedule for the rest of the month:

9 - Wed> Plain Ole Bill
10 - Thu> Housekeeping with Brian Thomas
11 - Fri> Don Cuco
12 - Sat> Fun Boys

14 - Mon> Sigelman
15 - Tue> Jobot
16 - Wed> Nikoless
17 - Thu> The Saint
18 - Fri> Jennifer + Free I
19 - Sat> Eidolon & Jeff Wong

21 - Mon> Rockit Fuel! = C-Gull, T-Machine & A-Me
22 - Tue> King Otto
23 - Wed> Brigadier Woodro of 3 King Sound System
24 - Thu> Replicant Soul with Dj Tk
25 - Fri> Treehouse Records
26 - Sat> Wicked

28 - Mon> Closed for Memorial Day
29 - Tue> James Leonardo
30 - Wed> Mike the 2600 King, Cecil Otter & Papillon
31 - Thu> Ebony & Don Cacheine

"Don't Tread On Me"

It's kinda hard working up my usual anti-royalty ire when the visiting monarch is a white-haired 97-year old lady. But as Craig Crawford points out, we Americans have no business bowing to royaltly.

I'll instead direct my barbs at the British and all the other assorted rubes across the globe who believe in royalty. Last time I checked, all men were created equal. If you think someone rules over you by priviledge of birth, you're an idiot. Especially if you're British and are being "ruled" by a German family.

And I loved Michael Wilbon's quote today on Pardon the Interruption. During "Tossup," when asked if he'd rather dine with the queen or with the jockey who won the Kentucky Derby, Wilbon chose the jockey. Then he threw in a jab at the queen, saying that she: "would probably want me to stand on her lawn when dinner was over."

Yowsa!

I will take Jessica Lynch shopping at Gap Kids any day or night of the week.

Speaking of Seinfeld ...

Remember this episode?

George: Hey, what about this? I'm in a car accident. The motorist is uninsured, you with me?

Jerry: Yeah.

George: My car's totaled. It's all his fault and now, he has absolutely no money. There is no way that he can pay me. So the judge decrees that he becomes my butler.

Jerry: Your butler?

George: Right. He cooks my food, he cleans my house, he does all my shopping for me. And there you go, that's your program.

Well, I was watching The Andy Griffith Show on TV Land tonight. It was an episode where an English chap on a bicycle causes an accident that damages a Mayberry native's pickup truck. The English guy doesn't have the money to pay for the damage, so he agrees to help Andy around the house. He's horrible as a handyman, but it turns out HE'S A BUTLER and does all of Aunt Bee's duties while she is out of town.

All Warmups Are Taped, But There's No Video Of The Incident? Interesting.

Anaheim Ducks coach Randy Carlyle is funny, and I don't know if it's on purpose. Ducks star Teemu Selanne was hit with a puck and cut during warmups before a Ducks/Wild game a few weeks back. Though conventional wisdom is that Selanne was hit by friendly fire, Carlyle says it was the Wild that intentionally fired the puck at Selanne:

[Selanne] was heading on the far side of the rink, with the glass over here [pointing left] and the net behind him. And he got hit on this side [above right eye], so it's Crime Scene Investigation. The trajectory of the puck had to come from the other end of the ice or from center. He was skating toward center. He got hit on this side [above the right eye].

Hmmm. It reminds me of dialogue from a classic scene from Seinfeld:

JERRY: What happened to your head when you got hit?

KRAMER: Well. Uh, well my head went back and to the left.

JERRY: Again.

KRAMER: Back and to the left.

JERRY: Back and to the left. Back and to the left.

ELAINE: So, what are you saying?

JERRY: I am saying that the spit could not have come from behind ... that there had to have been a second spitter behind the bushes on the gravelly road. If the spitter was behind you as you claimed that would have caused your head to pitch forward.

ELAINE: So the spit could have only come from the front and to the right.

Less Than 21 Months To Go ...

Regarding yesterday's veto of the war spending bill, from Reuters:

Bush spokeswoman Dana Perino said the president would "make good on his word" to block any bill that set deadlines for leaving Iraq.

Democrats appear to have timed the delivery of their bill for Tuesday's fourth anniversary of Bush's landing on an aircraft carrier in the Pacific Ocean where he declared that major combat had ended in Iraq after the March 2003 invasion. The deck was decorated with a "Mission Accomplished" banner.

Bush's opponents want to remind Americans that four years later U.S. troops remain bogged down in Iraq, where more than 3,300 American military personnel have been killed.

"It is a trumped-up political stunt that is the height of cynicism," Perino said.

Trumped-up political stunt?? Like having a commander-in-chief who ducked out of Vietnam dress up in a flight suit and strut around on a carrier and declare "Mission Accomplished"??

(Though nobody has ever looked hotter than Perino while issuing the doublespeak.)

The Mighty Quinn?

"I'm the most prepared collegiate player for the NFL in this year's draft," Brady Quinn said. "There's not one other player that's had the kind of coaching that I've had the past couple of years. There's not one other player that's done what I've done the past couple of years. I am the best leader for a team."

The majority of NFL teams disagreed with Quinn. (Hey Quinn: Why are you mouthing off about your "accomplishments" from the last couple of years? Other college players have won national championships and even bowl games that last two years. You?) He fell to #22 in the first round of the draft and was picked by Cleveland, who had even passed on him the first time around at #3.

Just because his name is "Brady Quinn" and he went to Notre Dame, that doesn't make him a great quarterback. Though you'd think those big-game victories over the likes of Purdue and Navy would count for something.

Damn. I was hoping the Vikings would draft Rick Mirer Brady Quinn so that when he's a bust he could take the Purple down with him.